Coincidental Mess || BTS FANFICTION

Chapter 40: Maybe

"Hey, it's me." He confirms, softly rubbing my bare thigh.

It's been only a few weeks since we met each other. But the kind of intimacy and emotions we shared with each other, never felt so new. I don't know about him but all of these was most definitely new to me. I was never the type to hook up on someone for some type of distraction. Then again end up being all confused with my feelings.

Those understanding gesture and friendly stare of his fight with my made-up beliefs. I don't know if I trust him, or maybe I'm just too scared to utter the word 'trust' after those awful incidents in my life.

And love?

Pfft. That's too far to reach to me or for me to reach.

But still, Jungkook seems so uh...different, I guess. Perhaps he doesn't carry that look of immaturity instead understandable and awfully familiar.

 All these thoughts allowed my mind to fall into the abyss of a question,

'Were we ever strangers?'

When I first time met him, he seemed strangely familiar, yet obscured.

Like some kind of deja vu.

"It's okay if you don't want to share now. But I bet you would after I take you somewhere." He offers, receiving my silence satisfactorily.

Whereas my mind not feeling myself today intended to nod at every word till it bursts in to overwhelming emotions. It has always been that way. Always embarrassing that still makes me cringe.

Today has been really a hectic day. Catching Yuri and Namjoon together, was the extra fuel to my day in making it more horrible. The fact they preferred to keep it secret from me hurts.

But what hurts most are all those romance among them terribly resembles my days with Teahyung.

 Childish, right?

I know but I can't help it.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why I decided to hang out with Jungkook in the first place. Trying my best to ignore all the things that remind me of Taehyung. The mere realization of admitting all these in my mind is making me snicker in amusement at myself.

How much pathetic could I be!

I couldn't even properly move on.

||

The wind chooses to be the orchestral melody of the sea with a trace of melancholy. The golden hues of the sand never fail to capture my mind, no matter how down I am. While the beach inspires me with the trust of sharing its space with the waves of the sea, no matter how deceiving the waves could be.

These difficult emotions overwhelming in me are similar to the waves. Sometimes it could be calm. Sometimes it prefers the rougher side more, dominating the space of someone else's heart.

Preferring the deceiving side more as it gets too hard with all those pressures. Maybe that's just how I am.

And maybe I haven't found my 'beach' yet.

Maybe I never did want to find it.

Until Jungkook...

prefers to be the grains of sand in my waves of messed up-feeling.

I know it's wrong, but all of it seems so deserving.