─ CHAPTER NINE

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09. live

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"So when are you gonna see Shawn again?" Connor asked.

I shrugged, "I honestly don't know but I don't even know if I want to. I'm-"

"You're scared?" Connor raised an eyebrow. I nodded, paying more attention to my food than anything else.

Connor smiled reassuringly, "You guys will be fine. You just need to talk it out"

"How are you so... supportive?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" Connor furrowed his eyebrows. I looked up from my food, meeting his eyes. Connor, seeing the look in my eyes, sighed.

"Look, we don't have to talk about it" Connor shook his head.

"But I want to talk about it," I said.

Connor sighed and replied, "Shawn is my friend and you guys love each other. I feel what I feel but it doesn't matter because if they're not returned... I won't pursue it"

I pushed my bowl of Chipotle aside and moved to sit on the couch. "God" I scoffed, "I don't want to love him"

"You can't control what you feel, Nova" Connor sat next to me.

"I wish I could" I played with my hands, on the verge of tears, "Because if I could control what I felt... I'd wanna choose the guy who didn't hurt me like that" Connor stayed silent, so I continued.

"C, you're a really good guy..."

"I'm so confused on where this is going" Connor chuckled.

I laughed through the tears, "Me too. I just- Why me? I don't get it"

"Why... we like you?" Connor asked. I shrugged.

"Nova, come on, have you seen yourself? You're... stunning. Inside and out"

"I'm petty as fuck and high maintenance as shit" I shook my head.

"Well because we like you, we're fine with..." Connor tilted his head, "maintaining you?"

I laughed, "You're so stupid"

"I think you have me mixed up with Brian" Connor nudged me.

I bit my lip, "Maybe I should work it out with him sooner than later"

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