How Dare You [ReidxReader]

(22) Kamikaze

note: TW description of blood/bleeding

You've been debating if you should call in sick for about thirty minutes. You certainly feel sick but staying home won't make you feel any better. Finally, you get out of the bed. You're cold and shivering until you get into the shower. Your eyes are still a little swollen.

You haven't fully fathomed what happened yesterday. It was so much. First it was all good, and amazing, and heartwarming. Then it went to shit. At this point you're not even sure whose fault it was. Yours for not talking to Spencer? His for invading your privacy? You know that he only meant well but you also meant what you said: him seeing the pictures of you after you were let go by your abductors...It's the most intimate thing to see of you. You stored it all away, somewhere deep inside, and now it's all back.

Even though you wasted time in the shower, you make it to the BAU in time. You sit down at your desk and play with the hourglass you brought with you on your first day. You watch as the sand trickles down.

"I meant to ask you before," Morgan suddenly appears next to you, "what's up with the hourglass?"

You turn to him: "Memento Mori."

"And that means?"

"Remember your mortality." Reid answers before you can say anything. He apparently entered the bullpen with Morgan but managed to stay out of your peripheral.

His voice makes your heart ache, and you can only bear to look at him for a few seconds. Reid looks like he hasn't slept much either. Morgan says something and walks away. You didn't understand it because of the white noise Reid's proximity triggered.

Putting the hourglass back down, you stubbornly stare at a random file you found on your desk. You groan internally when you hear Reid step closer. Without saying anything, he puts down a coffee from the café you usually frequent next to you and walks over to his desk.

You consider ignoring it but eventually grab it and take a sip. Of course, he knows how you like your coffee and got you your usual order. You don't know if he got it for you because he always does or because he tries to bribe you.

It's difficult to avoid looking at him when his desk is right in front of yours. Especially, when you can feel him staring at you. After some time, you can't stand it anymore and raise your gaze. Silently, you stare at each other. His eyes are sadder than you have ever seen. It's also the first time you have ever witnessed him being this quiet.

Eventually, Reid opens his mouth to say something, but you interrupt him: "Don't." You shake your head. He closes his mouth and goes back to fidgeting with his cup and his eyes darting between you and his hands.

After a few minutes, he tries again, this time faster than you can object: "Will you please talk to me?" He pleads. You get a lump in your throat. Looking at him again, you tell him: "Not now."

Reid nods: "Okay."

Finally, Garcia walks in to announce that you have a case.

- - - - - - - - - -

You spent the time on the jet studying the case file intently. After you landed, you basically ran off the jet and to the car, avoiding Reid as best as you can. Now, however, in the lobby of the hotel, you are forced to be close to him. At least there are enough rooms this time.

As soon as Hotchner handed you the key card you briskly walk off to your room. After throwing your stuff on the table next to the window, you sit down on the edge of the bed and stare at the wall. Your head is spinning, voices you heard today repeating endlessly. Three double homicides, a small town in Colorado, no matching MO but all the couples knew each other one way or another...Reid relentlessly observing you, being bombarded by intrusive thoughts...