The Child of The Tomb

Lesson 15 - Better Picture

He stares at me.

"What were you thinking?!" He shouts at me. I flinch at his loud tone, stepping back as he rises from his chair quickly.

"Do you have any idea what you did?!" He starts to stomp towards me, making me step back with each step.

"How stressed it's been?!"

Step.

"How dumb it was to run off on your own?!"

Step.

"What were you thinking doing something so- so idiotic?!"

Step.

"Well?!"

Step.

"What were you think-"

"-I WAS JEALOUS OKAY!!" I yell at him, my back against the wall, keeping in my tears of fear and going with this rush of adrenaline.

"You went on and on about how you had to prove yourself as a leader!! How you didn't feel like you were right to be one!! How you had to earn everyone's respect!" This time I take a step forward, making him step back.

"Yeah you are strong! You had a better chance to defeat Shalltear than me- that's true!! But.. I also had something to prove!!"

Step.

"I was also friends with Peroroncino-san!! Shalltear and I were just as close! I thought I could fight her- BUT I GUESS I WAS JUST TOO CLOSE TO HER!!"

Step.

"If I were to go.. I thought I might just win with luck and flukes.. I needed to prove that I was actually worth your time- you're not the only one stuck here Ainz!"

Step.

"All I wanted was affection and attention in this new world with magic and spells!- but instead it was all the same!!"

Step.

"I was forced to be left alone just because of what YOU wanted!! Because I had to be a LEADER! When I never even got to be anything else- not back home with you!- and not here!! Why can't I just be loved?!"

"..."

I pant, surprised no tears fell, only being left with an achy throat.

I clear my throat and look up at him. "Everything up until now.. was what you wanted- what you thought I needed. When you've never even been around long enough.. to know who I am as me."

We're left in an uncomfortable silence. Tension still high.

"I'm.. sorry." Is all he says. "Sorry?" I repeat. "Seriously?"

He only walks back to his desk, sitting in the chair.

"I-I've never been good at expressing feelings to people.. or handling them in general." He starts.

"When mother died.. I didn't know what to feel or do, so I threw myself into work and into Yggdrasil. I barely knew how to handle my own emotions that I couldn't even comprehend how to help someone else's- let alone someone as young as you were at the time." He sighs, resting his elbows on the desk and placing his forehead on his crossed hands.

"You looked- ...look, so much like her- I.. It hurt just looking at you."

"Once I drove myself into the Yggdrasil and work routine, I got addicted. I felt that.. if I even changed a little bit of this routine, I would fall into a deep hole of depression and sadness."

"Here though.. I was able to be a leader, I suppose.. I was so used to ordering people around and dealing with 'adults', I never took into account your feelings.."