AS YOU MELT THIS HEART OF STONE

LONGEST SIX MONTHS

"I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow.
I hear the laughter,
I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now.

Oh! Can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I'll be right here waiting for you...
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I'll be right here waiting for you..."

             ~ Richard Marx

----------------

I watched her impassive face as I handed her a glass of carrot juice.

She mumbled a 'thank you' without meeting my eyes. I doubt she even noticed that it was me.

"Owww.... Poor boy. It hurt your feelings, didn’t it?" said my inner voice.

"Stop talking nonsense", I grumbled.

" You don’t need to hide anything from me, you know that already. I am your inner voice, that is, essentially I am you. So, even if you are trying to- okay okay, I'll shut up now, no need to shoot me with deadly glares!"

Just as I let out a sigh of relief, the old coot opened his mouth again, "You know what, boy, before going, I can't help but bring your attention to a certain point you are missing."

Another round of deadly glare from me.

"It might comfort your 'not-so-hurt-feelings' that it is not just you, she is not meeting anyone’s eyes."

It really caught me off guard that how deeply this statement comforted my 'not-so-hurt-feelings'.

And as I finally looked at things more clearly, not through the daze of seeing this new version of her for the first time since our last meeting at her father's grave, I found that my inner voice was right (dutifully ignoring the smug expression of the inner voice).

She really wasn’t meeting anyone’s eyes. She just kept on staring at some invisible point on the wall as others around her were lost into their own conversations. By 'others' I meant Leonard, Miss Martinaz and Sarah. We were all seated in the mini bar of Leonard's apartment, to celebrate the first year anniversary of Leonard and Miss Martinaz - a small party of immediate friends.

And obviously she was there, being the best friend of Miss Martinaz. Although I doubted she was actually present there, in the true sense of the word. It seemed that it was just her physical self that was sitting on the bar stool, staring out of the window, a glass of carrot juice in hand, almost blended into the background. But that was it. She seemed to be entirely absent from her surroundings.

I took my seat on a sofa at the farthest corner of the room, putting as much distance as possible between the two of us. I promised her that I would give her space for the next six months. And although my whole being yearned to go and stand behind her, to engulf her in a tight and secure embrace, to absorb all the misery she was going through, I killed those absurd thoughts of my delirious mind one by one, mercilessly.

I could not afford to give in to the demands of the weaker side of my mind. It was like those mornings after a violent storm, when the first rays of sun tentatively falls on the wreckage around us and the vast landscape of destruction stretches in front of us, motionless, expressionless, empty shell of its older self. It was the time to stand tall and hold one's ground amidst the darkness and destruction and keep up the promise of building a new beginning. And it takes time and patience.