I need you - ChaCha

Chapter 23

Charli's POV:
What have I done? What is wrong with me? I feel like I'm losing my mind. I may have just messed up the only good thing I have going for me. Why the fuck did I do that? I just need to pull myself together. When I said that I didn't want anyone knowing about my past because I don't think I could handle this all coming back again, I honestly didn't think it would be this bad. I didn't realise how weak I actually am, but I can't help it. Every thought I have is either revolved around my Dad or Ethan. I just have so many memories and the second I think I've pushed them all away, they just come chasing me again. It's almost as if that's all I have to live for. I am a victim of abuse and sexual assault and I always will be. I can't escape it no matter how hard I try.

I don't know what to do! I can't leave this room - I can't face anyone. I assume Chase brought me here because of my nightmare. What if they all saw it happen? They wouldn't judge me... would they? They're my friends... right? But then again, they now all know everything. What if they see me differently now. What if they don't want to be associated with me anymore. What if I get kicked out of the hype house. My tiktok career is coming to a stand still. I haven't posted in weeks because of all the shit with the 'not eating'. What the fuck was wrong with me then? See, I can't even look after my own body correctly. I am worth nothing. I can't even stop crying. Why am I always crying? My parents only let me and Dix come to LA because they thought I was mature enough. I'm only 16 but I guess they were wrong. Everyone probably sees me as the hurt little child who can't look after herself, can't control her anxiety, can't do anything really. They probably all hate me, I'm just a burden to all of them.

Dixie's POV:
I saw Chase come out of the movie theatre room with a hurt and defeated expression. About 2 minutes ago I heard Charli scream something but I couldn't quite make out what she said. I assumed everything would be okay because I trust Chase and knew he wouldn't do anything. I decided to go check on her.

I walk into the room to see Charli huddled in the corner of the room with her head in her hands. "Charli what happened?" I ask as I approach her. "I messed everything up Dix, he probably hates me".
"Charli just tell me what happened"
"So, I was was having a nightmare about you know... Ethan. And it was that time when you found him and he was about to... yeah and it just kept replaying over and over again. It felt so real though. I don't even know what happened to be honest. Chase must have hugged me or something... but... but I thought it was him. I thought Chase was Ethan, Dixie! So I pushed him away and told him to get off me. He said it was was fine but you should have seen the look on his face and I caused it. He probably hates me."

Now it makes sense. I get it from both sides. Charli had absolutely no control over what she was doing but of course she's going to blame herself. And considering, I saw first-hand what she was thinking about, I can understand her exact thought process. But whether she meant it or not, I understand Chase too. He loves Charli so much and for her to see him in relation to such a despicable person, that must have stung.

I sat down next to Charli and pulled her into a hug. "It's not your fault Char, do not blame yourself, I'll go speak to Chase. Don't worry, things will sort themselves out."

Chases's POV:
I was sat at the kitchen counter and luckily no one else was here. Did I do something so she doesn't trust me anymore? She means the world to me, what would I do if she doesn't want me.

Just then I heard someone walk in the kitchen, I didn't even bother to see who it was. They sat down next to me and patted my back, "Hey Chase". It was Dixie. I gave her a small smile. I didn't really feel like smiling to be honest. "Look, I know exactly how you must be feeling right now, I just spoke to Charli and she told me what happened and you have every right to feel hurt and you can definitely make your own choices. But you should know that what she was thinking about in her sleep, I was there - I saw it happen. And if that was her reaction, to someone touching her during that nightmare, then fair enough. But it wasn't aimed at you Chase. Now you can do whatever you want right now, but as her sister, it's my job to do what's best for her, and I know for a fact that she needs you right now. She is in that room in self-destruct mode, blaming herself, and the only person that can tell her otherwise is you. It's your choice Chase." And with that, she left.

She's right, this isn't about me. She didn't know what she was doing and it is by no means her fault. I knew that from the beginning so why am I being so selfish? I headed back to the movie theatre room just to see Charli huddled up facing the back corner in the dark. I slowly approached her and it hurt my heart to see her like this. She had her hands on her ears and her head between her knees. She was visibly shaking and also slightly rocking back and forth. Why did I even leave in the first place? I don't know if she heard me come in but as I got closer to her, I heard her mumbling something to herself.

"I can get through this"
"I've done it before, I can do it again"
"I don't need anybody"
"I can do it on my own"

I sat down next to her and gently placed my hand on her back to let her know I was there. She jumped a little bit at my touch but when she turned to look at me, her eyes widened. She almost immediately jumped onto me and I wrapped my arms around her. "You're right you know" I whispered in her ear. "You don't need anybody"
"No I'm not... I need you" I just wrapped my arms tighter around her. "Well I'm not going anywhere" I assured her. We sat like that for a while before she said, "I'm so sorry Chase, I didn't mean to-"
"Shhhh, I was a dick, I shouldn't have left, it was my fault" I interrupted her.

A/N:
What's up guys! I can't believe this story is at over 21k reads. Like what?!
Thank you so much for always supporting my story, even through the inconsistent updates.
Don't forget to vote and comment. I love all of you xx

Word count: 1230