the blind side of love | chaennie

fifteen

A few days after the party, after it had become just a fun story to tell friends, Jungkook called. I came clean on the phone, about how my friend and I had crashed the party and how I was very far from being the heiress to a family fortune or anything like that. I thought the information would turn him off, but to the contrary, he seemed all the more interested. Sometimes, I think he was just trying to rebel against his parents by dating me. Who knows? All the same, I agreed on a date. It went well ... and I guess more dates just followed.

It's strange because I feel like most of it just happened. One date followed another, until a kiss came, and then time passed, and one thing followed the other. There was never a moment when I wondered, "Am I even attracted to him?" I didn't question it. I just let it happen.

I guess my feelings on it sound terribly unromantic, but that might only be my current feelings clouding the memory. The truth is, I think that for the most part, these things happen. And maybe because they 'just happen' they sometimes end up ... well, ending. I'm sure that if people started to think over every minute detail of everything they might never date at all.

Hm. That's not to say that you will never date at all ...

I find it inspiring, actually, the idea of not settling. Of knowing what you want and waiting patiently for it. I suppose maybe I'll aim for that next. Only, I guess the question for me is mainly: how do you know what you want?

Roseanne sat back to stare at her own question, surprised at having written it. She had always known that she wanted to be an artist; known it since the moment she'd picked up a pencil to write her very first 'A' and ended up with a drawing of the kitchen window instead.

She remembered staring at the window, at the way the light filtered through the leaves of the trees outside. She remembered thinking there was nothing more beautiful than the beams of light shining upon the paper on the table; a paper that suddenly seemed terribly empty despite the wide lines. She could think of nothing more suitable to fill it with than the power of that moment. It was a rough attempt, far from perfect or even good, but when the pencil finally lifted from the page, she felt happy; whole.

Roseanne stared thoughtfully at the question on the screen, pondering whether or not to erase it. Didn't she know what she wanted? Didn't the usual conglomeration of adjectives – funny, smart, caring, artistic, etc – conjure up an adequate image of The One?

I want to believe that when I find the Right Person it will be obvious. That there will be a moment, something fast and barely palpable that will say, 'This is it.' But that's just the romantic in me talking, and to be honest, I'm not sure I'm much of a romantic at all. It's more likely that I'll finally give in, let my roommate set me up with some of the eight million guys she's always trying to set me up with, and one of them will be close enough to ideal that a blind date will turn into a second date, and so on and so forth.

I guess I don't know how to answer your question about how close to look before you know. Maybe it depends. Maybe, with some people you have to dig. Maybe with others it's immediate. You never know until you try, right?

All the same, whatever it is that you're looking for ... I hope you find it.

-

Jennie dropped the Hyerier on the coffee table and stretched out her hand. She sighed with relief. "Done. Thank God. If I have to sign one more picture of myself I'll ..." She paused to think of something suitably dramatic. "... fling myself into the sea."

Jisoo snorted. "I can't believe you stopped to think and that's what you came up with. Fling yourself into the sea?"

"Shut up. I've been signing my name over and over for the past three hours. Do you know what that does to a person's brain?"