The Raven Hotel | Jikook |

Chapter 48: A Mother's Love

      Where were his hugs? His loving words of good praises and eternal glee? His mother sat there and smiled at the boy but that was it. That was the end of the conversation and Jungkook couldn't help but to grow upset since she chose to remain silent the whole time.

      "What...? Is that all I get?" Jungkook asked and looked at his mother right after. "Mother... please say something! I want to hear you... I don't want to be kept down like this, aren't you happy? Why aren't you talking to me? Talk to me!"

      "Of course I'm happy, Jungkook. I'm proud of you!... I just... I just-"

      "Then why aren't you saying anything to me? Why aren't you talking to me and why aren't you looking at me and telling me things that will put my mind at ease?! How loud do I have to get for you to talk to me? Mother, please! I want to get this over with... even if you don't want to face it, please... do it for me... I want clarity!"

      "I can't find the words... I'm just so distant from you..."

       "Why?"

       "It's been so long since I've last seen you, Jungkook! These types of things aren't just to let go like we could just live as if they never existed in the first place. They're moments that carry weight into them! How do you expect me to speak when I can't ignore the many things that happened? I won't jump over them and pretend like it didn't..." his mother spoke and finally looked at the boy to ask this next question. "Do you want to know why already? Do you want to know why I'm so distant from you? It's obvious, Jungkook... it's obvious as to why we have distanced ourselves from you... It's because you ran away from us. I shouldn't explain this, you know this by now. You chose to run away when we wanted to help you! I wanted to be there for you but you never let me in so I got frustrated, afraid, helpless..."

      "What...? But all of those things you said... It was enough to turn me to drink more! Those hurtful words everyone told me, I felt so much pain and wanted to get rid of it by drinking away my problems... I wanted to get rid of the pain but I didn't know I was making things worse... how could you do that to me? Hurt me more when I didn't let you help me..."

      "I didn't want to see you ruin your life with alcohol, you harmed yourself even more and didn't allow anyone to help you. How could I live my life knowing that you were the only one drowning and refusing everyone's help as you sank lower and lower?"

      "But hurting me more and calling me many things? It only made things worse for me! Mother, I always ran from my problems because I... I didn't want to face the pain anymore and become such a burden to you all! I couldn't do that to you..."

       "Oh Jungkook, but either way, you ended up giving the pain to those who worried about you! I now know the pain of what we did to you... I guess we lost ourselves in fear of what could become of you... but it turns out that we were the ones pushing you from the start," The mother spoke out.

     Her clarifying words left a gleam to fill the boy's wondrous gaze. He listened to the clarity he longed for as his mother revealed that she too was scared. Everyone was scared and worried about what Jungkook would become that they never realized the pain he was going through in the process when he denied their help from it all. Jungkook sat there and felt tears race down his face once he finally knew that Jimin was right in every way. Jimin was right about how Jungkook's friend and family only wanted to help and only grew upset when they weren't able to at the end of the day. Jungkook ran away and that left them all to feel as if they failed him from the very start. It wasn't tough on the helpless little lamb, it was tough on everyone including himself. An addiction as nasty as that, was enough to drown everyone in the process.

      Jungkook closed his eyes and covered his face as his mother finally stood up and approached the boy.

     "You won't run away now, won't you? You won't turn the other way just to avoid our help, won't you? All we wanted to do was help but we all failed at doing that... I wish I could take back those words that I told you, I wish everyone would take back their own selfish words that they threw at you so carelessly. Knowing that I only wanted to help but ended up hurting you even more, I feel so sick... sick imagining the amount of drinks you took in every night."

      "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I-I was weak! I-" Jungkook sobbed and once he choked up in his own words, he felt his mother wrap her arms around his own body. Comforting him for the first time in such a while. What felt like a layer of warmth that saved him from freezing out in the cold, left Jungkook's eyes closing in tightly as the tears still managed to escape then. "I... I was weak... I was weak and pushed you all away..."

      "You had a reason to do so... we weren't very helpful towards you, Jungkook. It's like you said it yourself, we only made things worse," continued the mother. Leaving Jungkook surprised every second she spent understanding him.

      "Y-You... you understand me... you understand me so well... where was this when I needed it most? Where was the understanding to heal us before it caused this? A-All of t-this... this mess..." Jungkook cried into his mother's arms and began to notice that her shoulders jolted. Showing that she too was crying. "I'm your son... you're my mother... my mother.... How could we go on without each other... I-I was your favorite..."

     The mother smiled and closed her eyes to allow those tears to fall. If she dried them, there would be no point in crying if she intended to dry them once they fell from her face. These were tears she needed to let out without hiding them any further.

      "Oh. Jungkook, you still are! You will always be my little Jungkook. My little boy who became curious about such a cruel world and such cruel people that were supposed to be your loving family. I regret hurting you so much... even if your father and your brother isn't here, I'm sure they would feel the same. I will speak to them, I will get through with them and I will make sure you will be able to return to us soon!" The mother promised, but the moment she sputtered those words through her teary gaze, Jungkook shook his head and pulled away from the hug to look his mother in her eyes; the beautiful and naive little stare Jungkook inherited so perfectly.

      "That won't be necessary... I have my own life to live... it's about time I stopped leeching onto your lives and decided for myself. I was able to stop this addiction, so I will be able to create a new living for myself now. It's better this way, better that I separate from you all now..." Jungkook confirmed.

      Finally, his mother was proud. She was so proud of her son that she smiled and hugged him once more. She hugged him and held him tightly as if this was the last hug they would ever share! Jungkook opened his teary gaze to see Namjoon crying and covering his mouth at the sight of the two finally getting along after so long. All this wasted time, it could have been avoided if communication became something they knew well, but in a way, they were all afraid of such a situation that could have been easily handled. Namjoon smiled in tears and noticed that a mother's love for her child would never change no matter what.

      Jungkook always believed that his mother wouldn't have any mercy for him today. That he wouldn't care about him or even long to speak with him. But at the end, he was so glad to see that it wasn't true. He knew his mother wasn't a cruel woman and Jungkook was ashamed to think like that. His own mother, a woman who always loved him and kept him on top, was able to harm in a way that would scar him... but at the same time, regret everything she caused right after the damage was done. The amount of love a mother would have for her child was an unexplainable thing because it was far greater than the word love itself. It was a feeling that had no words. That was how special a mother's love for her child truly was.