Memories

Chapter Eight

(TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, Suicidal thoughts, anorexic and blumic thoughts and actions. READ WITH CAUTION!!)

"So, Mitch, how have you been?" My therapist, Dr. Hardin, asks me. It's been a week since I've started uploading. I've been doing great besides the fact I can't sleep and don't choose to eat.

I try for a smile. "Good I guess."

He leans to look at me closer. "No, you're not. How are you really feeling?"

I sigh and hunch. "I feel like shit. I don't eat and I can't sleep. The anti-depressants don't work."

He leans back and ponders on what I just said. "Well, Mitch, what made you start this habit?"

I hesitate before speaking. Do I tell him? That I found Jerome's note? He's probably going to want to read it. Ah, screw it, he's supposed to help me. "His letter."

Dr. Hardin looks intrigued so I begin telling him the tale of the day I had found it, start to finish. He's quiet thoughout it and it gives me more confidence due to his undivided attention.

He doesn't talk for a moment after I've finished. "So," he starts. "Your friend, Preston, do you think he's sorry now?"

I hesitate. "I don't know. He doesn't talk to me. Whenever I walk into a room, he just stops talking."

"Have you ever considered, Mitch, that he feels sorry? No-listen to me, hear me out." He says this when he sees my face. "People have this habit where if something happens and they think it's their fault, they will just do whatever they can to get away. It's human nature, Mitch. In this case, Preston called you some names, and now he tries to avoid you, right?" I nod. "It's a defense mechanism, you see, he doesn't want you to look at him the way you did that day so he leaves the room to leave you alone."

"Wait, so he isn't mad at me?" I'm slow at this and I'm pretty sure it's getting to him.

He smiles. "No he's not." He takes in a deep breath. "Now, about the letter." He says. He knows he's going into a touchy subject by his facial expression. "Mind if you explain what he was saying?"

"Um. Yeah." I gulp. I explain what the note said in great detail, not leaving anything out, because if I do, I, myself, might suffer.

"I see. Do you think this is the cause of your nightmares?" He asks this like I already know the answer. I do, but it's not the point.

"No, I know it is. I remember all of them, now." I say.

Dr. Hardin doesn't ask what the night terrors are about, because, what I think is Rob or Vikk has told him already. Well, what they know of. I do talk in my sleep.

"And you're positive this is what cause your insomniac nights?" He asks. I nod. He tears off a sheet of paper and writes on it. "Mitch, I'm going to ask you to see Dr. Forester at the hospital-No, let me finish- she is a friend of mine and specializes in Neural activity. In regular words, she will see to your symptoms and help you. Ok?" He hands me the slip of paper.

I take it and without reading it, I slip it into my pocket.

"So," he says, "about the note." He waits for me to look up. "Have you told any of your friends about the note?"

I hesitate. "No.." I say after a while. I don't want them to know. They might hate me again after they learn I'm the reason he's dead. I tell this to him.

"Well, Mitch, if something like this happens, wouldn't you want them to tell you something this important?"

I'm afraid he would say this. He knows I already know the answer. His face shows it. I sigh. "Yeah..." I trail off.