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34 | deja vu

34 | deja vu

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I have a severe case of deja vu as I stand in front of Matteo's hotel room door with a bag of Chinese take-out and my eyes closed, trying to clear my mind and gather the correct words to say when he opens the door.

If he opens the door.

It's been two days since we last saw each other and I had time to calm down and come to the realization that I was being a complete and utter bitch. Reflection was my past-time over the course of the two days and needless to say, it did me well.

Cassidy also helped with that. She got my head on straight and brought me to realize that I love this man. I said what I said to him because I was hurt — it just took me a while to realize that. And while I don't condone it, I'm also using it as my chance to grow as a person and apologize and change the way I go about doing things.

And as Cass says — it's not true love without trust and I truly love this man.

My thoughts are interrupted by the door being opened and I'm met with Matteo's beautifully tattooed and chiseled chest that I've missed laying on. Around his waist is a towel and water drips from the tip of his nose, letting me know that he just got out of the shower.

With a deep breath, I repeat the same words I said all those months ago that jump started all of this, "I wasn't sure if you ate so I brought extra."

His eyes scan my entire body, from my tan head wrap rolled into a bun on top of my head to my light blue crocs with the fur inside of them.

He sighs, "What are you doing here, Monique? Don't you have someone else to bother with your distrust?"

Casting my gaze down, I bite my bottom lip, "I deserve that. I just wanted to apologize for hurting you. I was confused and..."

"Didn't love me enough to trust me." He scoffs spitefully making me look up at him with wide eyes.

I step back and crane my neck to look up at the ceiling, "Don't put words in my mouth."

"I didn't, Monique. Those were words that came out of your mouth."

I blink away the tears, "I know and I'm sorry, okay? I was reeling from spending six months trying to contact you only to find out that your sister cut me off from you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be here right now."

He scoffs and transfers his gaze to the floor, our feet pointed towards each other. Your feet will always point you in the direction of what you want.

A moment passes, me in the hallway of the hotel and Matteo stood at the door, naked sans the towel around his waist and both of us in our feelings.

Finally, he exhales and steps back, "I'll make you some tea."

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"When my parents got divorced, I was sixteen years old. It was exactly one year after we moved to America."

On the balcony of Matteo's hotel room with a beautiful sight of the New York skyline, we sit beside each other, not quite touching but not too far away from each other. We'd just finished eating and now, we're outside finishing off our tea. He'd changed into a pair of joggers and a sweatshirt to compensate for the chilly March weather.

"My mom had cheated on my dad with her gym instructor — as cliché as it sounds — and my dad didn't know about it until a couple of months after it happened."

Matteo blinks, his eyes running over me, "How'd you find out?"

I sigh, "I overheard them screaming at each other one night in the kitchen. I was going to get something to eat when I heard him call her all these words — a slut and a whore and a nasty bitch — and I was immediately dumbstruck. I'd never heard my dad say those words before, and for him to say them to my mom — the woman I'd looked up to for most of my life — I just didn't know what to do. Plus Cassie had just turned two so she didn't understand anything that was happening — just that mommy was going to live somewhere else."

"My parents both had custody over us so we would still visit my mom every other summer." I sigh, casting my gaze to my manicured fingers, "I was young and naive and still loved her so what else was I supposed to do but believe her when she told me my dad cheated first."

I scoff as I think back to my younger years, "I went home that fall not trusting my father."

"Did you ever talk to him about it?" Matteo asks, softly.

I shrug, "Not really. I just... grew up and got over it. Some part of me was just telling myself that that's life and eventually, every relationship will fall apart. I mean, for the longest time — it was their relationship that I looked up to and prayed to have in the future. Their marriage and how much they loved each other. Only to find out it was a lie."

By now, my gaze is more on the skyline and I'm allowing the words to subconsciously flow out of me. There's no filter, no holding back, full disclosure. If Matteo and I are going to work, we have to get all our cards on the table and work on them together.

The man in question leans forward and takes my hand into his before bringing it up to his mouth. He presses his lips to the back of my hand before holding it against his warm chest.

My eyes water when he starts his next sentence.

"I, Matteo Gabriel Romano, promise to never lie to you. I promise to keep your heart safe and protected. I promise to love you for every day that my heart beats and breath fills my lungs." He kisses my hand again, "I promise to never cheat, lie, or break your heart. You can trust me, Monique Harper."

I nod, allowing a tear to run down my cheek before moving closer to Matteo, my legs straddling his lap and my arms wrapped his shoulders. I meet his eyes as he rests his hand on my cheek.

"I trust you, Matteo."

they made uppp 🥺🥺🥺 i might give y'all a lil smut in the next chapter 🥺 cause why not