You and I, Do or Die - A Lams Modern HS AU

Chapter 21 - Dead or Alive

Chapter 21 - Dead or Alive

(Trigger Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault and what scars they left behind, of wanting to die, and of actions that attackers did to victim)

{Alexander's POV}

Where am I?

The world is all black.

I can hear John's voice..

He's crying.

"Lexi, please wake up.. I miss you so much.. I can't do any of this without you, baby.."

I've never heard him cry before.

I can hear the beeping of a hospital machine. I wanted so bad to hear that eerie screeching of the flatline. I want to die. I was in so much pain. I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be used for blowjobs. I don't want the taste of bitter cum down my throat. I just wanted my Johnny back, wanted to be held and nurtured back to health. But I couldn't move. My body hurt too bad and no matter how hard I tried to open my eyes, to tell John I was alive, I was here, nothing worked.

"I love you so much.. and I fucking miss you. My sweet Alexander.. so sweet, so strong.. Be strong for me, Lexi baby."

It was hell. Having to listen to John sob beside my hospital bed every single passing minute. It's torture having to feel his countless kisses planted against my face, and I can't smile at how gentle he's being with my battered body. I want to wake up. I want to shout out my lover's name and embrace him in the kindest hug. But nothing works. I can't wake up. Can't see my baby. Tell him I love him one last time before I thought it would be the end.

The darkness faded. Everything around me began to spin. The world shifted and morphed until I was falling.

Falling down into an endless black hole.

All the horrible things I'd been called surfed through my mind like rough waves crashing against my body.

"Slut."

"Toy."

"Such a fucking whore."

"Nothing."

I searched around my new environment. I was at the park. The park John told me he loved me at. The lake, still glistening and shimmering with the lit sky of the sunset. I began to walk towards the water. I didn't seem to be scared of it. My body walked into the water, until my ankles were splashed with water. A raspy "Mm.." Was all I could let out. I began to cough and my throat has a metallic taste like blood.

The water faded away, swirling around me until there was one person in front of me. The water formed them as they stood on two feet, much taller than me. I couldn't make out who they were. They seemed like a silhouette. I couldn't see. I felt blind.

Then one spoke out, stepping forward. "Lexi..? Lexi, can you hear me?" John. I stepped forward and all I could mumble was something inaudible, my voice filled with exhaust. Yet he seemed extremely excited. The silhouette John nearly screamed, sobbing as he ran for me, and suddenly I felt arms around my body. I can't tell what world I'm living in. "I knew you were alive, I knew it, I knew it-" John's silhouette began to fade into dust, disappearing into the blackness.

My vision blurred and seemed to shatter completely. Everything went black.

"I knew it. I knew it, I knew it!" John's voice was still ringing through my ears after a moment of silence. But this voice seemed more real.

Suddenly, my eyes burst open, and I attempted to sit up, but a large John was straddling my hips, holding my nearly limp body close to his. I don't think he knew I was awake yet, but he had just figured out that I wasn't dead. "Oh, Alexander.. I missed you." Despite my urges to panic and question everyone around me about my whereabouts and what was going on, I simply lifted up my extremely weak arms, slinging them over John's shoulders and choking out a sigh. John lifted his head and looked over at me, gasping and immediately embracing my lips with his, giving me the kindest kiss he could muster. I quickly gasped for air due to my short of breath, watching as John pulled away. "I-I'm S-sor-" He cut my off and placed a finger on my lips.