Dear Kulsum✅

24.

KULSUM'S POV.

Sometimes in life, the most unexpected things happen in times we least expect.

I never thought I'd spent so much time without talking to my brother. But I happened.

The last time Zayn and I talked was when my parents sent me off to rehab. During therapy I had with them, he didn't utter a word and same thing as when I got admitted here. He'd come around along with Mom and Dad but he just watches me quietly, then leave.

To be honest even I didn't try to talk to him. Not because I'm still angry at him but because I just assume that this must all be hard for him. But I know despite how goofy and stupid he tends to act, my baby brother is the strongest in the family.

So, imagine my surprise when he came today alone, and the minute he sat beside me, started crying.

At first, I didn't know what to do. I was caught off guard honestly. The only times I saw Zayn cry was when my family found out about my addiction, the day I promised him that I'd stop taking drugs, and the day I was sent off to rehab. Those were the only few times.

"I'm sorry Kulsum. I'm so sorry" He sobbed as he rested his head on the bed, his body shaking with each tear that fell.

I blinked furiously out of confusion, I shook my head as I placed my hand on his shoulders trying to pull him up but he won't budge. Damn he's strong, or maybe I'm just too weak. "Zayn what are you talking about?" I asked giving up once I realized I can't move him.

I'm growing weaker by the day.

"I'm sorry Kulsum" he sobbed again refusing to lift his head and let me see his tear stricken face.

"Zayn you did nothing for me to forgive you" I swallowed the lump of tear threatening to escape. No, I can't cry when Zayn is crying. I promised myself I'll always be here for him. This is one of those times.

"No Kulsum, I shouldn't have allowed them to---to" he choked up on his tears again. "I shouldn't have let them take you to rehab" he shook his head and buried his face in between his palms.

I removed the duvet covering half of my body and slowly got out of the bed with much effort. I really did mean it when I say I'm getting weaker by the day; chemotherapy is contributing to this a lot.

I crouched in front of Zayn and wrapped my arms around him as much as the IV I'd stuck to my hand allows me. No matter what I say I know he won't believe me so this is the one thing I can think of. After all, actions do speak louder than words. It took him a while to reciprocate it but when he did, he cried on my shoulder.

"I'm scared Kulsum" he admitted so low I hardly heard it. But I did.

"Why?"

"Because you're going to leave me"

I don't care what I said earlier about being strong for him but at this moment, I really couldn't hold in my tears. I'm just thankful he can't see my face. I used one of my hands to quickly wipe the tears away but more just roll out. "I'm still here am I not?" my voice came out hoarse and low. I sniffed clear my throat slightly.

"But you'll leave me soon"

I had to bit my lower lip hard so as not to cry out. The last time I felt this emotional and cried this much was before I started taking drugs. Even when I found out my son is alive, I didn't cry this much.

There has always been a reason as I why I love Zayn more than anything currently. Apart from the fact that he's my baby brother, he reminds me so much of my son that I lost. My little boy didn't look like me or his father but more like Zayn. At first I was a little bit sad but I couldn't wait to see him grow up and see whether he'll still look like his uncle.