Dear Kulsum✅

22.

KULSUM'S POV.

I've never given much thought as to how I'd die. I had always assumed that whenever it comes, I'd be ready.

That was a lie. A huge lie.

I am not ready, especially not now. But what can I do when death is already knocking on my door and I'm too weak to even stand and open the door?

Surrender and await my faith. That's the only solution.

Which is what I'm doing right now.

I thought I had more days to live but apparently not. So, as the pain in my upper abdomen and back increased, I found myself clenching my teeth and eyes shut in agony. But, even with that, tears still managed to roll down my face and I couldn't even stop it. This is so unlike any other time before because now, I couldn't hold it in anymore no matter how much I try. I couldn't even muster the small amount of strength to shout for help.

I coughed, my lungs felt like it is being burned. Through my misty eyes I could see the droplets of blood staining my bedsheet from when I coughed. I had no energy in me to plead for help. So, I got ready to take my last breath.

So this is how my life will end. I never got to apologize to Zayn for being so distant towards him lately and I'll never get the chance to see my son ever again.

I distantly heard the door of my room being kicked open and people walked in, seemingly the doctors and nurses that worked here. They were saying something and some were shaking my sore body, their words sounded jumbled to my ears. I couldn't focus on what they were saying but one thing I know is that they are yelling.

At who and why? I don't know.

Black covered my vision and because I have no energy in me to fight it. I gave in. For what feels like the last time.

~*~

ABUJA, NIGERIA.

Every now and then I heard people talking in the background but it doesn't take long for me to lose the little bit of consciousness I regained.

I guess I'm not dead yet.

Should I be happy about that? I don't know honestly.

This time around, I could hear what's being said, just distantly. But, it is better than all those other times because at least now I can understand what's being said. Somehow.

"Doctor...doctor, what's wrong with my daughter? What's happening to her?" that is my mother's voice, it actually sounded strained as if she has been...crying? No, it must be my ears. My mother wouldn't cry, ever, especially not because of me.

Silence followed before a man spoke, his voice sounded familiar but I couldn't tell from where, "Well as you know, she was in such critical condition when they found her in the rehab. So we had to move her from Lagos to here. We'd done our tests, and the result is out" he kept quiet and I'm sure they are all quietly waiting for him to reply.

I know what he's going to say though. I didn't want them to find out but I can't stop it now. I can't even move a finger, what can I do?

I'm useless.

"It appears that Kulsum has what we call Pancreatic adenocarcinoma. It's a type of pancreatic cancer which develops in the exocrine cells of the pancreas and based on the test, she's in the last stage"

I don't know if it's my ear again but I think I heard mom gasp, I can't be sure though. A muffled sound followed afterwards and from my past experience, I'd say someone is crying. But the question is who is crying? It can't be my mother? My ears must be playing tricks on me or something.