oneshots

hold tight

"I'm sorry, I've been trying. I've been trying to be happy, but I'm just not good enough. I don't deserve it."

"You do deserve to be happy. You have no idea how much I care about you and I hate that your depression makes you feel like this. If I could take it all from you, I would. I won't let you die."

"I know you love me, I do, but it just gets so hard. I wanted it to be poetic, maybe. I hate wanting this and I hate doing this because I love you too. I wish I didn't want this but I want to die. I deserve to die. I wish this feeling would end, Virgil. This is the only way."

"It's not. We can get you help. I know we're not exactly rich, but I'm sure we could find a way to pay for therapy-"

"We can't, though. At least not right now."

"Why did I waste my money on this, when I could have been helping you?"

"The money would've gone to food and bills, Virgil. It's not your fault."

"Please let me help you somehow. Tell me when you want this. I had no idea, Roman, please don't do this. Please."

"I'll... I will stop lying to you. I can do that."

The skydiving place was sympathetic towards Roman. The staff let him and Virgil sit in an empty room for a while before he was stable enough to head home. Virgil made him dinner and put on Hercules to watch together. He could use a Disney movie.

Virgil held him the whole night.

~~

I'll wait until you get home. It's selfish but I want to see you. I know I said it before, but this is the second time I needed to do this. I can't do it, Virgil.

Shit, shit, shit.

He was going to try again, wasn't he?

Okay, Virgil, be strategic. If he's waiting for you to get home, he's still alive, it's okay. You have to make sure you can get to him before he can do anything.

It had been nearly seven months since the parachute incident, and Roman had been true to his word. He let him know when he needed support, restraint from self-harm, a self-care day, even just a kiss or a hug. He'd told Virgil this week was awful. He'd needed him so much, but Virgil's work meant he couldn't be there for him. And look what happened.

Virgil searched the house for his boyfriend. The bathroom was empty, the living room too. The kitchen had been ransacked for seemingly the sharpest knife.

He found him in their room with a knife pointed to his chest. There was another note set on the side table. Virgil took a deep breath, Roman couldn't see him yet, which meant that when he did, he'd have to act fast.

He ran into the room and grabbed Roman's arm, pinning it on the bed. This allowed him to toss the knife aside. He knew Roman would do what he could to get it back, so he did what he'd done before. He gripped his torso tight with his arms and wrapped his legs around him, rendering him incapable of doing much. They fell to the floor and Virgil buried his head in his shoulder, then kissed him and kissed him, hoping he would just feel loved again. He'd feel worth something. Or, at the very least, want to be kissed more.

"T-thank you."

"I need you to stay alive. And I won't read the note. I'm not going to accept that you could be dead right now. "

Roman picked his arms up from limply spread on the floor to hold Virgil as well.

"I need to stop doing this. I'm going to hurt you."