oneshots

Ripped Apart

NOTE: Remus angst, Intrulogical, TWs for kissing, blood, referenced gore, suicidal thoughts
DESC: Remus gets much-needed comfort.

Bite your tongue.

He felt the muscle conform to his teeth.

Harder.

Harder.

Bite it off.

Don't.

Do it.

He bit until it bled, but not hard enough.

Please bite it off.

He would just cut. He wouldn't have to think about this anymore. He'd forget. Healthy- healthier distractions.

He knew what he was. He knew he was self-destructive, unhealthy, depressed, even dying if you were to count where his thoughts had been going lately.

Just cut and it'll go away.

What will? There's the chance cutting would make him want to-

Cut your arms off.

No. He wasn't going to do that.

You should.

He would bleed out and die, probably.

Then do that.

Just fucking cut.

That voice was constantly pestering him. Remus didn't mind the intrusive thoughts, sexual jokes, murder, other people's gore... none of it bothered him. But a while ago the thoughts of killing and hurting and dismemberment had begun being directed at himself. He hated it. He hated himself. What a disgusting being he was. The only way to make them stop was to give in. At least a little.

The blood that came was comforting. It felt humanizing, and reminded him his veins were still pumping. He was still alive.

It was grounding, but also saddening to some extent. He felt like this giant piece of shit that hurt anyone he touched. Part of him was so glad to be in this exhilarating whirlwind called life, no matter how hated he was, but the other part wanted it to end. He never knew if it was selfish or not. Sometimes he wanted so badly to fuck up his relationships with all his friends, if they even considered him a friend, and just erase himself from Thomas's mind. Sometimes he felt trapped. Thomas never let his ideas free into the world. What was the point of Remus existing at all if he wasn't going to be used to better Thomas's content?

Was that his problem? Did he think Thomas was the problem and it was really him?

He sighed and set the razor aside for a moment.

Tell someone if you're not going to rip out your internal organs.

Who could he tell?

Remus was still scared that Janus despised him, and he was never good with emotions anyway. He supposed he could talk to Virgil. But he'd left the dark sides. Why would he want to talk to either of them? Especially about sensitive topics. Patton was empathetic and theoretically would be good to talk to, but he'd hurt him. He hated intrusive thoughts, why would he want to talk to the embodiment of it? And there was no way he was going to talk to Roman.

Logan?

Logan, he was pretty sure, didn't hate him. Rather, they'd talked before Remus's first appearance and now could probably consider themselves friends. He knew Logan (even though he did shove teeth up his nose) and Logan talked to him. By choice.