𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐨 𝐈𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 |𝐃.𝐌 (re-write)

THIRTEEN

Eliza's pov

A part of me wanted to avoid Draco at all costs today but when I saw him with his head in his hands in the great hall, once again sitting alone, I had the urge to go over to him. But something in me told me not to. Like my head was warning me not to. Especially after seeing him pin Tracey to the wall and threaten her.

But that other part of me was glad he did it. She deserved it, I thought. Such a cruel thought but I couldn't control it. He slept with her. And I couldn't lie and say I wasn't jealous, because I was.

So I didn't listen to those warning signs ringing in my head and I walked over to him. His eyes looked up at mine when I was standing in front of the table.

"May I join you?" I asked and he replied with a stern nod before he looked around the room. For Tracey?

I sat down nervously but I didn't feel uncomfortable or scared, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just tired, that's all," Draco replied and I could tell his smile was forced.

"Is something keeping you awake at night?" I asked him and I knew it was a silly question to ask. He wouldn't tell me he slept with Tracey and he won't know I saw what I saw. Even though a part of me wanted to tell him that I knew and I didn't know why.

"I did something I regret," Draco said and I hid my shock well. Was he referring to sleeping with Tracey?

"What did you do?" I asked him and his jaw locked.

He shook his head as he looked down at the dark wooden table, "something only an idiot would do."

"You can tell me," I assured him and I was afraid I sounded too pushy.

"I can't," he muttered and before I could say anything he was up and walking away. I wanted to tell him that I'm not mad at him. At least not now that I know he regrets it.

~

The rest of the day I had to avoid the urge to go up to Draco. In classes, we shared nothing more than quick glances but he looked away before they could become anything more. I stayed with Daphne and Pansy and we walked past Draco talking to Adrian and Blaise but he didn't even acknowledge my presence.

I hated that it felt the way it was before. Before when I was a nobody who Draco didn't know existed.

"What's up with you today," Daphne had asked me when we left our last class of the day.

"Nothing," I lied.

"You're quieter than usual," she said softly, our arms brushing against each other.

I didn't respond after that comment and kept my gaze ahead and I think she knew I wanted to be left alone. She caught up in conversation with Pansy. They spoke about the ball and I wished my biggest problem was how I would do my hair and makeup.

Instead, I was battling my own thoughts and how they had become consumed with Draco. They were devouring me.

But deep down I knew why. I knew exactly why I. . . cared so much, why I felt such jealousy when I found out Draco slept with Tracey. It was like a dark shadow creeping around in my head and I was trying so hard to keep the truth in the shadows, away from myself.

But I couldn't hide from it much longer. The. . . feeling was too strong. Too dark and so unlike anything I ever thought I would feel.

I'm trying so hard not to feel this but I am at war with myself. This feeling corrupted me so quickly that I didn't realise what it was. But now I know. And even though I'm fighting against it, I can't help but love him.

~

I didn't go to dinner later that evening. I couldn't sit with my friends and act like I was okay. I wasn't. I'd always preferred to be alone anyway. I found peace in my own solitary. When I'm home with my mother and father, I spend the majority of my time alone in our barn or riding at great speeds through the forest on the back of my horse — away from the constant arguing.

And right now I wanted nothing more than to race through the dark trees with the wind blowing in my hair and to feel the freedom and the rush of thrill. I used to ride to let out the anger and sadness that school and my home life caused. However, the only thing causing those wretched emotions at this moment was Draco.

As the fresh air of the courtyard brushed against my brow and flowed through my long hair, I realised I hated that I love him. But a part of me — some adventurous part of me can't help but love all the good and all the bad parts of him.

I often wondered what caused his dark rage. There had to be something—or someone—that is the cause of his wrath. A part of me wanted to take it all away.

I exhaled a deep breath and wished I was somewhere else. I envied the sun disappearing behind the lake.

"Are you okay?" I'm startled when I heard that voice. I had come out here to be alone but the voice of Tracey Davis echoed and instantly my peace was ruined.

"Yes. Why?" I asked her with a little too much obvious dislike.

She walked until she was stood, leaning against the cobblestone wall in front of me, "just wondering why you're out here by yourself," she shrugged and then raised a snobby brow, "although, I guess it's not so strange for someone who has always been alone and has never had any friends."

I calmly smile, "I have friends."

"Yes, I've noticed you've acquired new companions this year," she said, "Draco Malfoy being one of them."

I've always considered myself a kind person but right now I wanted nothing more than for that to change. The calm, still air had become erratic with Tracey's stench and it was making it so much harder to remain calm and keep my harsh thoughts at bay.

But I've had a long, long day. . .

"You are very observant of me," I narrowed my brows.

"Well, you know what they say about the quiet ones," Tracey laughed and made a strange face.

I smiled but not kindly, "that's a horrible bruise on your neck."

Her smile and smug face vanished and she looked at me like I was her worse enemy, "enough of me being nice. I came over here to warn you."

She was being nice? I raised a brow and crossed my arms as I asked, "warn me about what?"

"To stay away from Draco."

"And if I don't?" I challenged.

"Then I won't be the only one with a horrible bruise," Tracey seethed and that ugly smile was back on her lips. She said nothing more as she turned on her hill and walked away from me.

And I was alone again and I knew her threat changed nothing. I still wanted to talk to Draco and now more than ever, I wanted to tell Draco how I felt. Maybe I was feeling reckless and careless but I had nothing to lose.

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Copyright © Kirsten Enn