The Watcher

28. At Sea

The second I said it I felt bad, as if I could imagine what his face would look like it if he'd heard me say it. That just annoyed me more. What they were implying was bad enough, but somehow the fact there might have been some truth to it was worse.

"If you say so," Emma said lightly, casting her gaze down as she smoothed her black taffeta skirt. "But they say on Halloween the barrier between worlds is at its thinnest. Maybe you should take a peek behind your own. You might see things a bit clearer."

The itch sparked, and I pushed myself off the sofa, jostling Callum as the foam cushions bounced. "What's with the psychobabble bullshit?"

Emma blushed, a faint pink hue blooming on her milk white skin. "Alright, I'm sorry, we've just finished our psychoanalysis module at uni." She flashed an embarrassed smile before looking to Callum for support. "All I meant was that we care about you, Anna, and we don't want to see you throw away something good."

I stared at Callum, raising an accusatory eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes and closed the bag of sweets in his lap. "What she said, but with less feelings and more sass."

I looked at my friends as they watched me. How long had they been talking about this behind my back? Why did they think there was even something to talk about? And why did it bother me so much that they thought Atticus was around for more than friendship?

I floundered for a response. After everything that had happened with Mr R earlier tonight, and the unresolved issues with Atticus, I couldn't deal with another emotional shitshow being thrown into the mix. It was too complicated, too chaotic. I was only just gaining control of the how I felt about the Watchers, but with Mr R, and now this, I could feel that last shred of control floating out of reach. A solitary life raft drifting further and further away as I bobbed aimlessly on a stormy sea.

"I can't throw away something I don't have. I mean, something I don't want," I spluttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

Callum frowned. "Alright, calm your tits," he said, casting a confused glance towards Emma.

Now they think you're crazy.

They'll turn on you soon. Just like everyone else.

Suddenly the air in the room felt stifling, like it had turned viscous and thick.

"I've got to go." I snatched the bag of sweets from the table and rattled off an excuse as I gathered my things, fleeing the scene before they could make me question any more of my bad decisions.

"It's been a long night. I've had my ass grabbed by every fanged Fuckward lookalike in this place, and this fucking halo is so tight it's given me a brain aneurism." I yanked the halo from my head and threw onto the table next to the wings before grabbing my coat off the hook. "See you later."

I could see the surprise on their faces, the concern, but as I stomped home their faces morphed into the taunting stares I'd suffered at school. Those knowing looks that judged me and found me wanting, no matter how much I tried to change their minds. Eventually it was just easier to play the villain they all believed me to be. After all, wasn't it Shakespeare who said 'tis better to be vile than vile esteemed'.

The streets were quiet as I walked home, one of the few perks of working well into the early hours. I passed through the orange glow of the streetlights, each one creating its own bubble of safety on the pavement. They should have given me peace of mind on an otherwise creepy walk home, but instead they seemed to accentuate the shadows. And in those deep dark spaces, I saw Mr R's face. I knew he wasn't really there, but that didn't matter. I saw him all the same, and with his face came the voices. The whispers that lived in the recesses of my mind, creeping out when I was most vulnerable.