heavenly ✓

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 26

𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑝ℎ 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 𝑎 𝑝𝑜𝑒𝑚 𝑖 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑔𝑜, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑐𝑘 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑒. 𝐼𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑡 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡.

♡︎𝚘𝚙𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚊'𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚟♡︎

They say the things that finally break you, are the words caught in your throat. And i had a year of thoughts not uttered, crammed in the pocket of my coat. A whisper among the world that's learnt only to speak, where the silence must be broken for the proof that it is weak. But wherein lies the weakness of keeping words held in your hand? when others listen to reply, i only listen to understand.
Surely it's strength when things unspoken fill the room up to the brim, and i was the one who taught myself to swim.

If i showed him my teardrops, would he collect them like rain? store them them in jars labeled as 'pain'. would hr follow their tracks, from my eyes down my cheeks, as they write all the stories i'm too scared to speak, would he stop them with kisses, bring their flow to a halt, as you teach me that pain, isn't always my fault, would you hold my face gently as you dry both my eyes and whisper the words 'you' re too precious to cry'.. if i showed you my tears, would you show me your own?

The answer to all that is no, i was just a game he won, to break when he got enough. he didn't care about me to stay, because he chose her without a second thought. he never opened up to me to who she really is, guess he didn't want to lie and sayless than she is. I mean who wouldn't choose her, she's gorgeous, and educated, acts polite. every guy's dream.

And i? i was a colorless person with nothing to shine. Only broken promises that were told to me at dawn. And i held them hoping they would one day become true. i believed them so much that i didn't see this coming. i didn't see them being lies.

I wiped my frustrating tears away and gaze along the trees, skye nudging me and laying her head in my lap trying to consol me. Oh how much i wish it worked.

My parents left last week, the morning after graduation, because my dad had an emergency call. i'm glad they thought i was asleep and only left a 4 pages note. The only one that knows was Elodie and Lucas.
these two become a couple. i feel even more sad for not being able to celebrate with them.

I sighed getting up and heading home, i hate this fucking routine. coming here to cry for hours, then going home and sometimes finding Elodie and Lucas trying to help me and i would just tell them i'm sleepy so i shower and go into my bed.

I feel terrible making them feel helpless. i can't do this anymore. i need to gather myself i just need time. He didn't hurt me. I did that to myself because i am the one who control my actions, not him, a stupid excuse of a first love.

i shake my head again, trying to get him out of my mind. I arrived home already seeing Lucas's car in the driveway.

sighing, i opened my door and mumbled a hello to them in the kitchen. Elodie was making something.

"i'm going to go shower."

"okay ophelia, just come down after that, you haven't been eating well and i just made you your favorite soup" said Elodie and i'm done with disappointing them so i tried my best to smile and replied.

"thank you loads, i'll be right back"

"you don't have to act like you're fine" i heard her say as i was going to my room but i acted like i didn't.

After finishing up, i sat next to Lucas resting my head on his shoulder. and eating the soup Elodie made.

"you've been improving lodie, this tastes good" i said trying to lift up the mood.

We sat in the living room, silence surrounding us.

"ophelia you need to talk" she's right. i need to get it out.
"i know i just-" i cut myself off, then took a deep breath.

"it's over guys... " i want to let it out. Their silence ushered me to continue.

I looked up towards the ceiling in an effort to stop the tears from streaming down my face

"i..." a quivering sigh escaped my throat "i didn't want this.."

"As much as i want it to be over, i'm terrified it actually is. I don't- he's been suck a big part of my life and as much as he hurt me last week, he still made me smile.. I don't know what to do or what to feel... all i know is that at the end of the day I need to focus on me and me being alright in the long run " i looked straight ahead as the tears fell. shaking her head " i really didn't want to loose him... "

"But he chose her. I was never enough for him to stay. I was a fool looking at him laughing and smiling, my heart filling with love as i thought 'yes i chose him, he is my person' But i was so blind, and failed to see that he hadn't chosen me to be his" i said as more tears fell and Elodie came and hugged me, only seconds and Lucas joined squeezing us.

we broke the hug and i wiped my face with my sweater as i spoke, my voice more powerful.

"But i have good news!"

"i'm sorry i didn't tell you before... but i got accepted in a college in France. I've been thinking of continuing my last year there."

"of course ophelia, it was always your dream. It'll heal you and help you achieve something so fucking big" squealed Elodie.

"wait so we won't see you anymore" Lucas was worried and made me laugh.

"i will be coming here on the holidays, and you guys are coming to my graduation if you could"

"oh fuck yes, a vacation in France with Elodie and you becoming a doctor, definitely amazing"

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*𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐞𝐲𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐭*

𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮.