A Love Story Like No Other

Part 10: This is me trying

Listen to This is me trying before/whilst/after reading this

Joe's POV

One week later

We're one week into these injections and it's still as hard for us, even after doing them for seven days. I feel the worst about having to do them because there is barely anything I can do to help Taylor feel better. She hates needles, which just makes it even harder for me. The worst part is that we don't know how long this is going to go on for. Every morning Taylor takes an ovulation test to see if she is ovulating - if she is we can go into the clinic and try the first insemination, if not we do the injections in the evening and try again the next day. So far, we have not had a positive test, and this morning was no different. We're hoping it will be positive next week because that is when Taylor is supposed to be ovulating. 

I told her today was a 'her day' - we didn't do these often enough, I didn't think so I decided today would be a nice day to do one. Considering everything she has been through for us recently, I felt I owed it to her. 

The morning started off with breakfast in bed - pancakes with chocolate sauce, our favourite. 

"Here you go Tay, I hope I haven't done them too badly," I said with a little laugh. She laughed and replied "they're pancakes, how bad can they be?" laughing slightly. 

They were actually good, for my standards anyway! We had just finished them when Taylor looked at me, with almost a tear in her eye and said, "I'm so so sorry Joe". I looked at her, almost in disbelief, and I asked her "what do you mean?" She looked at me and said "I'm the reason we're going through all of this. I'm causing all of this pain and hurt and I'm just really sorry." I looked at her for what felt like forever, mostly because I didn't know what to say. "Taylor... how could you even say that? You know I'd do anything, and I mean anything, to make you feel better, to make all of the pain and hurt disappear, just like that. But, at the end of the day, we want a family, and if this is how we do it, then this how we do it. I wish I could make it easier, and I wish I didn't have to do this injections every day, but, for now, that is just the way it is. I'm never going to stop being grateful for all that you've done for us, I love you," I said, staring into those dreamy eyes of hers. She was virtually sobbing now when she looked at me and said, "I love more" to which I replied, "I love you the mostest."

The rest of the morning, we just snuggled up and watched TV, 'Friends' of course. She seemed happy. I mean we'd spent the morning doing her favourite things, so I'd hope that'd bring her some joy. At midday, I made her lunch. A smoked salmon and crème fraiche  bagel - one of our absolute favourite lunches. We ate that and then spent the afternoon, in the same way we had spent the morning. 

As it got closer to 5pm, (the injection time), Taylor became more agitated. She did everyday and so I knew how to calm her down. I ran my hands through her and pulled her closer to me on the sofa, in a hope that she would realise that she was loved and that she was safe with me forever. 

"Hey Taylor, I think it's time to do it now, yeah?" I asked her calmly. She looked at me with the same dread in her eyes that she always does.

"Ok, let's just get it over with then," she replied, so I got everything set up and just went for it.

Today was ok, I could tell she was in pain, but she seemed to be at ease with it for the moment. I kissed on the forehead and reminded her just how grateful I was, and just how much I loved her for doing this for us. 

She then got up, walked over to the piano and started playing a song, I think was called 'This is me trying'. It was not one I had heard before, but I loved it so so much. It related very well with our current situation. We were both trying so hard to keep going, to keep our relationship strong and progressing so we could create the loving family atmosphere we were hoping to bring a child into. 

This whole day was me trying to do everything I could to bring even the slightest but of joy into our lives. Days before IVF weren't overshadowed with this constant doubt and dread about what was going to come, hoping for that positive ovulation test. I mean, I guess they've always said that 'hope bleeds eternal misery', but I've never chosen to follow that. The little bit of hope that Taylor and I were both clinging onto was the one thing that was keeping us going. We were so naïve when we began thinking about starting a family because we forgot that for some people, it can take years. You never think it will be you that finds it difficult to start a family, and then when it is you, it's a massive shock. I never in a million years expected to be here with Taylor doing these injections every day. Yet, the truth ism that we are here, now, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Sure, it breaks my heart to have to see Taylor and I go through all of this, but in the end, it's just a bump in the journey to get us where we want to go. I love her so, so, so much and I'm going to love our future child in the exact same way I do her.

Hope you all liked this chapter in Joe's POV! Don't forget to vote if you liked it and comment if you want to hear more in Joe's POV :)