🪐✨🌙I am not Moon🌙✨🪐

f i f t y - s i x

October 18

New York

10:43 a.m.

Your POV

"Why? Why now?" She asks.

I stay quiet. I turn my head, looking away from her. The tears in my eyes are threatening to come out, I won't let them. I can't.

"Tell me!" She screams, her voice breaking.

I flinch at the pain in her voice. I promised I would never do something like this, ever. I can hear her walking closer to me, her feet dragging on the wooden floor. The hail of rain is ticking on the glass window. The sound resembles a nail and a hammer.

"Tell me god damn it!" She screams, hitting my chest.

She continues to hit my chest, pounding on it like a drum. I stand there, taking each hit knowing that I deserve it.

"I don't love you," I tell her, feeling my heart sting.

She stops mid hit, her hands lay on my chest. I inhale deeply and look down at her. Tears fill her eyes and fall down her cheeks like an overflowing sink. Her green eyes now, red and pain filled. I feel as if someone has stabbed me and ripped me to pieces. I move her hands off me, memorizing how they fit in mine. Trying to engrave every little detail about her.

"I'm sorry," I say, taking my bag and walking away.

"Y/N, are you okay?" I hear Hoseok ask.

I turn my head away from the window towards him.

I hum, "Yeah, I'm okay."

"What are you thinking about?" He asks.

Hoseok gets up from the bed. He walks over and sits down next to me on the couch.

"Nothing, just looking," I say.

Hoseok nods his head. I look back towards the window, watching the raindrops dance down the glass. The light fog hovers over the city, matching the dark clouds above it. I feel a chill run down my spine, I pull my sweater sleeve over my hands more.

"Are you happy to be back?" Hoseok asks.

I look back to him and tilt my head, not sure of what he means. Hoseok places his arm on the edge, propping his head up with his hand.

"We're performing in your home city, aren't you happy to be back?" He rephrases.

I push my tongue against my teeth, slowly nodding my head. I sigh and run my thumb on the hem of my sweater.

"I guess," I say.

"I mean, it's nice to be back. I don't mind it but, I would rather not be here," I add on.

"Is it because of your past?" Hoseok questions.

"What?" I ask.

I don't remember telling him about my past. . . at least not in detail. I think, overthinking if I let something slip.

"You haven't told us much about your life before you came to Korea, and that's fine. That's up to you," Hoseok tells me.

"But, it's clear that you were or still are running from something," He adds.

I pull my feet off the ground and pull my legs into me, wrapping my arms around them. I place my head on top of my knees, looking at my socks. It wouldn't hurt to open yourself Y/N. I tell myself. I fiddle with the sleeve of my sweater, stretching it and letting it go.

"I was - am," I confirm Hoseok's hypothesis.

"I wanted out and I got out. I packed everything into a bag and ran, without a single thought," I continue.

"What do you mean?" Hoseok questions.

I lift my head to look at Hoseok. A perplexed yet soft expression reads his face. I feel like I could tell him the whole story. The only problem being me and not letting myself. Simplified version.

"Let's just say, I don't have the best memories here. I miss being here, close to where I grew up but, not as much as I miss what happened," I explain.

Hoseok nods his head.

"You can still make good memories in places where there have been bad experiences," Hoseok states.

"I never thought of that," I mumble.

Hoseok shuffles around on the couch. He takes his arm off the edge and crosses his legs.

"I may not have the place to say this but, maybe whatever you are running from, you should confront it. No matter how scared you are. No matter what might happen. Just look it straight in the eyes and speak, tell it, scare it, conquer it, end it," He states.

"Wow," I exhale.

Hoseok's words wander around my mind, hanging onto my ears as they play over. Maybe he's right. I think, wondering how long I've been running. Too long. I tell myself, forgetting how many years it has been since I even thought about this city. My home.

"It's been a while. What if it doesn't change anything? I could spill my guts out and nothing could change," I ramble.

"At least you tried," Hoseok says.

"At least you took the time to face what you fear. At least you went out of your way to spill your guts out to whatever it is," He tells me.

I listen to his words, letting them soak into my ears. Holding on to them for future references. I scoot my legs down and cross them over the other.

"Thank you, Hobi" I speak.

"For what?" Hoseok asks.

"For your words of wisdom," I say.

Hoseok contorts his face from confused to a reassuring smile. I return his smile with mine.

"Yo, food's here," Jimin announces, opening the conjuring door.

"Coming," Hoseok and I say in unison.

A/N: Hello! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry for it being shorter than usual. If you could vote that'd be greatly appreciated. Have a nice day or night, stay safe and healthy luvs<3

P.S.- you are doing amazing bubbs, you got this!<3