hell or flying | Chaelisa

Chapter 10

I attempted to smile, to show her I was happy to see her, but before I got the chance to, I found out my previous hypothesis has been mistaken. Because as soon as I tried to turn the corners of my lips upward, she stood up, and just like the first time we've seen each other, she headed for the door without sparing me a second glance. And I wasn't sure what to do. Whether I should call her name again, louder this time, hoping she would turn around and look at me, or whether I should stay silent, and let her go. I clearly perfected the other option the night I took a flight back to Korea. But this time around, I hesitated.

However, she remained in her spot. After her name escaped past my lips like a prayer so fragile as if it were glass, she no longer fought. Her battle came to an inevitable end. It's like all those lightings, crashing without a pause, suddenly stopped. Out of nowhere, they ceased to exist in her eyes. The dark clouds shielding her vision got blown away by the wind, and all trace of the previous storm was gone. Her eyes were clear, however, there was no sunlight peeking through. There was just a grey sky, looking dull, like the one you would see in an end of the world movie. It was like there was nothing at all.

And suddenly, I saw disgust and disdain, as her eyes focused on mine. However, unlike mine, hers weren't searching. They were just observing for a short time before she fully realized what was happening. And in that short while, she came to the conclusion; she hated what she saw. That she despised the person standing in front of her and the way her eyes flickered in the light. She loathed the hair that remained blonde, reminding her of all the times she waved her fingers through it. She hated the way my lips parted in a gasp when I gaped at her as if she was the image of God himself. In that brief moment, I was sure what I saw, but then, it was gone. Just as fast as it came by. And yet, I knew what I saw before she turned back to indifference as if I was a mere peasant who she didn't want to waste her time on.

Like I was no one.

So when she started walking away, I reached for her. I stood in my spot, but I extended my arms as if to grasp her wrist that was already out of my reach. In a sense, it always has been. Close, but never close enough. Right there, but like a fog, my hand fell through. And this time was no different.

Her back already turned to me, my hand searching for hers as my skin ached to feel her warmth again. But she was too far, and so I balled my hand to a fist and averted my eyes, tears already threatening to fall, with pain in my heart, as I let my hand fall limply to my side.

There was no point in chasing her. I would only bring her more pain by trying, and I've already inflicted enough.

However, I would lie if I were to say there was nothing I wished more than to find the courage and run after her as she walked out of that double door, slowly putting more distance between us. One would think I would be used to it. I was the one who put it there, in the first place. But just like the first time, seeing her back when her figure retreated, was the most painful sight my eyes have witnessed. She walked away from me, leaving me behind just how I've done to her. And yet, I had the audacity to hurt. After the things I've put her through, I had it in me to run my hands through my hair and suppress the urge to scream in agony.

And though I knew I should let her go, I was still having a million thoughts on what to do. Was I supposed to run after her after all? Was I supposed to stay and do nothing at all? Not fight for her? But I've given up that fight a long time ago. There was no longer a thing to fight for, let alone a battlefield to stand on.

Yet, I wanted to. I was scared out of my mind, fear of rejection, and the look in her eyes once I addressed her again clouding my mind. And yet, my left foot stepped forward, followed by my right.

The motion was slow at first, but the farther away she got, the faster it became. What started out as small steps turned into strides. Those turned into rushed walking as I pushed through the glass door with force. And then, I began losing her in the sea of faces and bodies that tried their hardest not to collide with the CEO's wife.