You Wish

Love Again

I am a lost for words

Can't believe I let you pull me down to this place.

You stole my heart and soul

Just to think I dried those tears from your face.

I herd as Pentatonix blasted throughout my room on my speaker. I wanted to drown out the world while I just think. Just think about what I said, what she said, how much of an asshole I was. The list goes on and on. My main question is how can I get her back? How can I fix what I ruined? I need something. Anything.

At some point in my thinking I get up and start pacing. All of sudden I started singing along at the point in the song that I thought was needed.

"Take me away from here. To a place where my feelings don't go to waste. We were in atmosphere flying high above the star that shone on your face." Sometimes I just wonder what it's like to not go through this battle. To just have a normal love life. I guess that'll never happen considering that I'm in love with my best friend.

I couldn't help it. I honestly couldn't. She's just her. I could go on for hours about her, but considering that I'm supposed to be mad at her I can't.

The worst part is, is that she has no idea the power she has over me. She has no idea how much I love her. How much I care about her. I care about her so much that I broke our friendship. I didn't want for her to feel like she had to like me back once I told her. So I did two things. One, break our friendship so she wouldn't pity me and break my heart, and two, I tried my hardest to stay away from her so I could not have these feelings.

I was so wrong. They only grew fonder. As they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's exactly what happened here. I tried so hard to get rid of these feelings but they only grew stronger. She only made me love her more.

She was my natural disaster (A/N: What up previous chapter reference!*)

She was my downfall, my pain, but she also was my sunshine, and my everything. She made my day one thousand times better everytime I saw that beautiful smile of hers. She was the one who stuck by me. She had me fall for her. That's why I became this so called 'asshole' that she said I was. To be completely honest, she was right. I am an asshole. I date girls just to forget her. I break their hearts in the end because their not her. She rules my thoughts. She haunts my every waking moment.

I guess I just couldn't forget about the way she made me feel. She made me feel like that awkward little kid instead of that 'baller' of a man I wanted to be. She made me feel like I did when nothing mattered. Back when things weren't complicated. Back when we were just friends. When I had no feelings for her and I actually talked to her. Back to when I didn't know I loved her.

Why was I so stupid? All she wanted was what's best for us. All she wanted is what I'm asking for right now. She wants a normal relationship. She wants to be with me. That last one I'm not to sure about anymore.

She probably hates me. I need to think. I just need to be out and about without her. Without the thought of her. Maybe that's why I can't do anything right. She invades my mind no matter what I do. It's even starting to show in baseball now. Everyone can tell I'm distracted, and honestly anyone would be if they had someone like her on their mind.

How could she not.We've been -well were-best friends until eighth grade. We know each other like the back of our hands. It's scary. The only reason I dropped her was because I was scared. Scared that she wouldn't want to be with a loser like me. Scared that she wouldn't like me unless I was popular or cool or the captain of some sports team. I was a scared little eighth grader.

I need to get out of this place to somewhere that I can think. Where I'm completely calm. Like a second. To just get all this anger, confusion, and just plain sadness out. Somewhere that doesn't remind me of her. That might be a little hard.

I think know exactly the place.

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*look up 'what up t-shirt reference' if you don't get it

Hey guys!!!! Sorry about the shorter chapter honestly it was more of a filler but I think I might start a new story too (while doing this one) I have my idea but I hand wrote some of it but whatever. I think I might do it I love the idea and I want to be a writer and this story is not something that could be published so I wanna write something that could be.