What Could've Been

2.10

Karen, Mick, and the rest of Fleetwood Mac were having a hushed discussion about what was happening when they heard a cough and a gasp from the bed. 

"Lindsey, Lindsey..."She groans as she wakes up. 

"Lindsey? is she asking for Lindsey?" Christine questions.

"Stevie, honey...Lindsey's not here." Karen grabs her hand.

"I need...I need Lindsey." She mutters shaking her head removing the oxygen mask from her face. 

"Stevie you've been asleep for a while. You haven't spoken to Lindsey in a year." Karen rolls her eyes.

"I know. I need to find a way to." She starts before she coughs again. 

"Just relax Stevie." Karen scolds.

"I need to find a way to talk to him. I need you to find his new address." Stevie grabs her wrist.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Karen crosses her legs.

"I'm sure." Stevie nods. 

***

April 15, 2019

She was staring at the paper in front of her for about five hours at that point and the only words she had written were Dearest Linds. She sighed in frustration as she threw her pen down to the foot of her bed and then she crawled out of bed and made her way towards her closet. Where she dug around for at least an hour until she pulled out the book that she wanted. She took it back over to her bed and jumped up on it, startled Lily-the dog-who had been sleeping. The book was a simple scrapbook from 1968-1973. And as she was looking through the pictures she bit her lip and grabbed at the pen and the notepad again.

Dearest Linds, 

I want to start off by saying I do hope you are well. When I got the news that you had a heart attack I was scared out of my mind. I just kept thinking about your dad and Greg and I was so scared that it would happen to you too. But it didn't you were fine and I thanked God above a thousand times since then because you're okay. And honestly, if you hadn't have been okay, It would have killed me. Like physically ripped my heart out of my chest and crushed it like in that dark Disney knock-off show. It's called Once Upon a Time. It's not on air anymore but it's on Netflix. We could watch it together I think you would like it. 

I just want to say that I...I miss you, terribly. I know you probably don't understand why I got you fired, and I don't necessarily know that I know why I got you fired either because I regretted it. The moment that we stepped on stage with Mike and Neil, I...It wasn't the same. I would look over expecting to see you and it wasn't you and the first night we went to sing Landslide, Neil didn't...he didn't let me do my dedication and it just felt wrong and I wanted to reach my hand out to you but you weren't there and I went back to the hotel and I cried actual tears. I just miss you. So badly.

I was...sick, very sick...I  got Pneumonia really bad, and I was exhausted, and dehydrated and I ended up in the hospital for about two weeks. and while I was in the hospital there was one point where I was so sick I really thought that was it, I was going to die and I could've, I had the option...I'll tell you about...if you're curious that is. But I realized something in the hospital and what I realized is that I can't...I can't do this without you. I thought I could, I thought I would be better off if I removed you from the equation but it made every feeling I felt, I felt like a dying flower when I was on stage with you and couldn't kiss you and claim you as mine and when you weren't there it just amplified everything. I still feel like a dying flower. I still hate going up on stage every night with Fleetwood Mac because it's not the same. 

I am so very sorry for everything I did, you have no idea how sorry I am for everything and I won't ever forgive myself if you don't forgive me. I'm home until June 3rd, and I really...really...really want to see you, please. You can come to my condo or I could go to yours...I got your new address so I know you moved into one. Or we could, we could meet for coffee somewhere. I just, I need to see you, Lindsey. I need to make sure you okay because I care about you and I need to see you. 

Love, 

Steph.

***

LeeLee walked into the Condo after school and she bit her lip before looking at Lindsey who was sitting at the kitchen table writing a song.

"What?" He asks

Leelee just holds the letter out to him and he looks at it and looks up at her. "She wrote me?" 

"Looks like it, are you going to open it or do you want me to toss it out?" Leelee inquires.

"No, I'll... I'll read it. That was the whole point of divorcing your mom wasn't it?" Lindsey asks.

"Yeah, I guess it was. Alright. I'm going to go do my homework I'll be out later to cook dinner." She smiles.

"No, I'm going to cook some burgers." Lindsey shakes his head.

"Are you sure?" Leelee asks.

"I'm sure..." He nods grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. 

He takes  deep breath and then he opens up the envelope and he can see her swoopy cursive and he smiles to himself and when he gets to the part that says, I was going to die and I could've, I had the option. And he knows almost instantly that the same thing that happened to him when he had his heart surgery happened to her. He assumed however that it wasn't Barbara that visited her and he looked to his left where a picture of his mother was sitting and he shook his head a little bit. 

"Well Steph, I think I'll see you tomorrow." He sighs tucking the letter into his pocket and going to the counter where his ground beef was out and thawing. 

End of Part 2