if i could drown in you, would you let me

these hearts adore

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Thank you all so much for reading this at all, and for blowing it up as much as you did! I did just write this chapter absolutely blasted so if there are any errors pls let me know :)

Y'all are the best, thank you thank you thank you !!!!

The sunlight filtered through Dream's window warming his face. He didn't want to wake up; if he could live in his dreams, he would. But still, morning called, and he had to answer. Dream got up with a soft groan landing onto his curtains. He hadn't gotten around to putting them back up.

Instinctively, he reached for his phone. To check if George had texted. But he stopped himself as the events of the past few days filled his head. He hadn't realized how peaceful it had been to forget. To forget how stupid he had been.

He walked to his bathroom, still half asleep. He stood at his sink and stared at himself, at this pathetic excuse for a man. His eyes were bloodshot, his face pale. Stubble covered his chin. All because of George. All because he wasn't brave enough to own up to his mistakes. All it would take to fix this was one word from George. Just a hello would fill Dream with enough happiness just to exist.

Dream ran a shower, stepping in before it had even warmed up. The cold water ran down his skin, washing away his errant thoughts. It prickled his skin, leaving him unable to think of anything else. But as the water warmed, the image of George's face came with it.

There was nothing he could do to avoid it. There was never anything he could do. He was so sick of being helpless, of being unable to do anything about this. He just wanted to fix it, to fix himself. But he couldn't. Dream broke things to the point of no return.

He told George he didn't care that it was a meaningless crush. And George believed him. But even still, their friendship would never be the same, would it? He fucked it all up again. Dream leaned against the wall of his shower, trembling slightly.

He couldn't even shower without breaking down again. Shit. He took a deep breath. No, he was going to shower, and he was going to check his phone. He could do this easily. These are everyday tasks. He can do this.

He finished his shower trying, and failing, to forget about George. He made it to his bed before he started to crumble again. He swallowed before grabbing his phone. He turned it over with shaking hands. It lit up, displaying dozens of missed calls and texts from Sapnap. They had ended about an hour after they started, all culminating in a voicemail. It was three minutes long. He had to at least listen to it. He owed his friend that much. With another deep breath, he pressed play.

"Hi Clay," he said. Dream could hear the pain in his voice with just those two words. "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I didn't mean to say that. I didn't mean for any of this.

"I know it's not an excuse, but I don't know what else to say. I was mad because of how well you and George get along. Of how flirty you can guys get. I was jealous, Clay. I didn't mean to be; it just happened.

"Before you joined the call, we were joking about how you and George only enter the call when the other one asks. And then, as soon as George asks, you join. And he was so happy. He was so damn glad to hear your voice. I could hear it in his. And I could hear it in yours.

"That night. When you forgot to mute yourself, you said that George was ripping you apart, that he was destroying you. Well, he was destroying me too. I love him, Clay. More than I could ever describe. And I try so hard to get him to notice me. And you do it so effortlessly, it hurts. It hurts so much.

"And so I was angry when he was excited that you joined the call. I was so mad that I wanted to hurt you like you were hurting me. Like he was hurting me. And as soon as I did, I regretted it.

"You're my best friend, Clay. And if I could take it back, I would. I'm just so sorry. And if you can't forgive me, I understand. Completely. That's all, I guess. I'll let you go now. Goodnight." Dream played the message again and again. How had he been so blind?

He wasn't the only one who had been pulled in, who had fallen. For the second time, he wasn't alone; Sapnap had joined him in his misery. Dream's finger hovered over the call button. Something held him back, something he couldn't quite place. He shook his head and called his friend. Sapnap answered immediately.

"Hi," said Dream softly.

"Hey," responded Sapnap. Neither of them spoke for a moment, they just sat in comfortable silence.

"Thank you for telling me the truth," said Dream. "It's good to know that we're in this together."

"You're not mad?" Asked Sapnap incredulously.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm pissed. But it could've been worse. A lot worse if you'd lied," said Dream meaning every word he said.

"George is," he paused. "Compelling, to say the least. And love makes people do irrational things."

"I'm sorry, Dream. Truly." Dream nodded, trying to figure out what to say. He couldn't say it was okay because it wasn't okay. But even accepting the apology felt wrong as well.

"Thank you for apologizing. But next time, just be upfront with me. Don't pull that shit in front of George. Especially when he's streaming," emphasized Dream.

"It was so dumb of me to do. I know that. I just snapped," responded Sapnap, still sounding apologetic.

"I know," said Dream.

"So, are we good?"

"Yeah," responded Dream with a smile. "But we have to promise something to each other."

"Anything," said Sapnap, eager to mend their relationship.

"Whatever happens, we stay friends. If George ever picks. You and me? We're friends first," said Dream. And he meant it. He knew George would never pick him. He had sacrificed George the minute he downplayed his feelings. But if there was hope for his friend, well. As long as they were both happy, he was happy. He had to be.

"Of course, but does that mean," Sapnap trailed off. "Does that mean he already picked you?"

"No, he doesn't like me like that," reassured Dream. "He said. He said he was flattered."

"Oh, Dream, I'm sorry," apologized Sapnap again.

"It's fine. I've made my peace with it." Liar. He was such a liar. He had promised himself he would be more honest, but sometimes lying is the only option. Sometimes he just needed to protect himself.

"Well, if he doesn't like you, there's absolutely no hope for me," laughed Sapnap earnestly. "So I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"There's always hope, Sapnap," smiled Dream.

"So, friends again?" Asked Sapnap.

"Always."

A/N: Thank you for reading Chapter Six! If you have anything to say please leave it in the comments and leave a vote if you enjoyed it. Chapter Seven will be posted by the end of this week, see you then :)

Update, just re-read this, and um. This was chapter 8, not chapter 6???? So uh, yeah chapter 9 will be up soon.