Drowning Without Water - A Criminal Minds x Reader

Fourteen

You'd been sitting on the bathroom floor crying and contemplating everything for about 10 minutes when he walked in. Probably the last person you wanted to see. You stand up to leave when he blocks the exit.

"Move," you whisper. You didn't have the energy to be loud. He holds up a sign to you saying do you have any devices on you/are you wearing anything he's given you? "No. Why do you care? So you can accuse me of working with him again?" Hurt ran through your voice.

"I am so sorry Y/N. I wasn't going to say anything but I feel terrible and I don't know what to do. "

"You better have a damn good explanation for what you said, Reid."

"I do I do I swear. He... he texted me-"

"He what?! And you didn't care to tell me!" He'd been talking to Alex? What the hell...

"I couldn't... he told me to act like an ass to you. Act like everything was your fault... act like him. If I didn't do it, he would have killed you." He was... protecting you?

"Why are you telling me this now? Why not tell me before?" You whisper. You didn't know how to feel. His words... stung. A bit of a warning would've been nice.

"Because then your reaction to it wouldn't have been genuine. He would've known I told you. I am so sorry Y/N but I promise I didn't mean a word I said back there. None of this is your fault." He seemed so genuine when saying that to you...

"Spencer... I know all of your tells when you're lying. None of them happened back there. So while you may be telling yourself that you did what you did to 'protect me', you still genuinely meant it."

"N-no Y/N, over the years of working with this team I've learned how to hide my tells when I have to. I did it..." he takes a deep breath, "I did it when I relapsed."

"Y-you relapsed? When?" He started to look at the ground to avoid eye contact. "Spence, I won't tell the rest of the team and I promise I won't report you if it was recent."

"An hour before I showed up at the restaurant... when I punched Alex..." He was... Was it because of you?

"Spence... I am so sor-"

"It wasn't your fault. You have to believe me that it wasn't because of you. It was all because of me. I wasn't in a good place... it was the whole reason I showed up and punched him. I didn't care about what happened to me anymore." He steps forward and grabs your hand. "But when you showed up at my door that night, everything changed. These past few weeks with you have been incredible. I really care about you Y/N so when I saw that text... I couldn't afford to lose you. That night you showed up, I threw out every last bit of Dilaudid and any needles I had. I refuse to give up on myself because you never gave up on you. You inspire me every day... I wish..." he sighs again, "I wish I had even a quarter of your strength Y/N."

Damn. Did he think all of this? About you? You didn't know what to say so you pulled him into a tight hug. "It's okay Spencer. I'm okay. I'm safe." He pulls you in tighter and rests his head on your shoulder. After about 2 minutes he starts to pull away and you let go.

"I'm really sorry about what I said Y/N."

"It's okay... thank you for telling me everything. What are we going to do now?"

"Well, Agents are at my apartment checking for bugs he somehow may have left and Garcia is triple checking all of the team's electronics."

"Spence... you do realize he's probably the unsub in our DC case right? He's targeting law enforcement so he can take and... kill one of us."

"I know. I talked to Hotch about it and he agrees. He wants us to work that angle while everyone else works to see if it's not him." Ugh... why do I have to investigate Alex. I get that I know him the best but I really just want him gone. "Hey. I know that look. You're scared about investigating him."