Drowning Without Water - A Criminal Minds x Reader

Nine

"Really? Paperwork? You can't come up with a better reason as to why you're two hours late? Stop fucking lying to me Y/N!" Alex screams at you.

"Please babe... I promise I'm not lying. The last case was a rough one so a lot more paperwork was involved. I wanted to get it done tonight so I can have more time with you this weekend." You respond, just trying to calm him down. The last case involved 4 SWAT members being killed and you having to put down the unsub. With that, came way too much paperwork. Alex didn't understand... he didn't work where you did. Every time you have to kill someone for one of these cases it makes you feel terrible, even if they were a psychopathic serial rapist and killer.

"Shut up! You were with Spencer, weren't you?! I know you love him more than me" Alex yells as he slaps you hard across the face, knocking you to the floor. You feel yourself sputtering out apologies but he doesn't care. He pulls you towards him by the leg and starts hitting you, each time harder than the first.

"Alex! Stop! Please!" You yell. You feel someone shake you.

You jolt awake. You try to regain your breath but you can't. You feel tears streaming down your face as you pull your knees up to you, burying your face in them. You feel Spencer's warm hands wrap around your shoulders.

"Hey, he's not here Y/N. He can't hurt you anymore I promise. He will never hurt you again. You're okay. You're safe." He reassures you and you feel yourself start to calm down. You can hear the worry in his voice, you must've been screaming out loud. You pull yourself away from Spence.

"What time is it?"

"Almost noon I believe. I made some coffee if you'd like." You nod and he rushes over to the kitchen. You start to look for your phone before quickly remembering you didn't grab it before you left. It must be blowing up with messages from the team right now... Spencer comes back with your coffee and his own. You start to drink yours, it's made exactly how you like it.

"Thanks. Has the team been reaching out to you?"

"Yeah... Emily did a good job covering for us, but the rest of the team is still worried, especially since they can't get ahold of you. I told Hotch you're with me, I hope that's okay. He's um gonna want the full story, you know that right?"

"I know. I know I need to tell all of them, but I don't know how. I was so stupid to let him do that to me for so long. Now I literally have nothing..." You feel yourself start to tear up again but it hurts to cry at this point. Screw off emotions. You hear Spencer put his coffee down and you do the same. "Where do I go from here Spence? I can't even go to work. I have no IDs or clothes or phone... hell I don't even have a home to go back to." Spencer wraps his arms around you, tighter than the first time he did it. You rest your head on his chest as he softly pets your hair.

"We'll figure it out. Morgan and I can go get your stuff from his place and you can stay with me for the time being. While we're gone, Emily or JJ or Garcia can stay with you here. You're never going to be alone again, I promise you that. Luckily the case they're working on is in DC so they're not out of town and we can get your stuff tonight if you'd like." You nod. How is he being so nice to you? He just offered to let you live with him after you were a complete asshole to him for weeks...

"Spence... Why are you doing this? I treated you like garbage when I was with him. I let him ruin everything we had and you're still offering to let me live with you and protect me and help me get back on my feet? I don't deserve that... hell, I don't deserve you." You lock eyes with Spencer. You two sit there for what feels like hours while he tries to figure out what to say.

"That... wasn't you Y/N. That was him. That's why I'm doing all of this because I know who you are and I know who he is. He hurt you. He hurt me. He hurt all of us because we had to watch him tear you apart. I miss the spark you used to have, everyone does. He... he put out that spark and I will do anything to light it again."

Wow.

You didn't know Alex had this effect on everyone... Did everyone know how bad he was except for you?

"Spence?"

"Yeah?" You lean over and hug him as tight as you can. Falling into his warm embrace as he hugs you tightly back. It hurts a bit but you don't care. You missed this. You missed his hugs. You missed sitting on his couch with him losing track of time. You missed him.

You break up the hug first, realizing you haven't showered since the day before last and a nice hot shower might feel really nice. "Can I um use your shower Spence? And then maybe borrow one of your t-shirts and sweatpants after? I feel really gross and just want to clean last night off of me." He blushes when you mention wearing his clothes, but he understands you literally don't have another option. He nods and gets up to grab two towels and a washrag, along with one of his shirts and grey sweatpants with a drawstring.

"Can you get up on your own or do you need a little help?"

"Just some help getting up but I think I'll be able to stand in the shower on my own." He walks over to you and grabs your hands. You use them as leverage to stand up, instantly feeling dizzy as you do. You grip onto his arms tighter for stability so you don't fall over.

"Y/N? Are you okay?"

"Yeah... just a little dizzy... hold on a second." He nods and you take some deep breaths to recenter yourself. You start to take a few steps towards his bathroom, still holding onto him tightly. Once you two get into his bedroom, you start to lean off of him, feeling much more steady. You manage to stand on your own and make your way to the bathroom.

"Just call me if you need anything, I'm going to call Derek if that's okay. I won't tell him everything if you don't want me to."

"No, it's fine. Just make sure he doesn't tell the others, please."

"Of course." He says as he turns and walks out of his room and into the main area. You get into the bathroom and close the door. You decide against locking it in case something happens and he needs to get in, you don't want him having to pull a Morgan on his own door.

You turn on the shower and start to strip while it warms up. Getting a good look at yourself in the mirror, you see what they've all been seeing for months. So much evidence you were with a terrible person, but you hadn't seen it until now. How is that even possible? You look at your skin and see marks and cuts and scars everywhere, everything you look at in your job for signs of abuse, yet you didn't see the signs until it was almost too late. He had taken everything from you. He isolated you from everyone you were close to. And yet, less than 24hrs ago you would've sworn he was an incredible person and boyfriend.

You see the glass starting to fog up and that snaps you out of it. Finally, you get into the shower, the hot water feeling nice against your skin. You zone out as you continue to wash yourself using Spencer's body wash, shampoo, and conditioner. Pumpkin Chai... That explains a lot about how he smells. Doesn't matter what time of year it is, he always smells like Halloween and the Fall. It was something you really liked about him.

You finish cleaning up, carefully avoiding the nail marks on your leg, and get out of the shower. You quickly dry yourself off and get dressed in Spencer's clothes, having to tighs the drawstrings on the sweatpants tightly and roll up the legs a bit to make them fit. As you wrap the other towel around your hair, you start to leave the bathroom before stopping in your tracks in the bedroom. You hear Spencer yelling on the phone with someone who you assume is Morgan.

"What was I supposed to do?! Just leave her passed out at my front door?!"

Well, he was definitely talking about you.

"No. There is no way in hell I am doing that Morgan. She's going to stay with me, end of discussion... I know. I know she hurt me but that wasn't her and you know that."

Did... did Morgan think you were a monster like him?

"Look. I was calling to ask if you're free tonight to go with me to his place and get her stuff. All she has is her keys, no phone, no wallet, no gun or ID... Yes, I realize how bad that is and that is why you're going to go with me while JJ and maybe Emily stay here with her, just in case... Mhmm... Will 8 work? I'll order food if you guys want it... Okay, and Morgan? Don't tell anyone what happened to Y/N. She'll tell everyone when she's ready. Right now only JJ and you know everything and let's keep it that way... Alright. See you at 8. Bye."

You look at the clock. 12:55. 8 hours until you'll either be starting a new life without him or... or something much worse.