I Cannot Hide This Even Though I Try ~ A COMPLETED One Direction Fanfic

16 - Results

“Do you like what you see?” Harry teases, bringing me back to reality.

“Hmm, maybe,” I manage to mutter though my voice feels caught in my throat.

Harry grins cheekily and laughs softly. “You’re not too bad yourself,” he says with a wink.

************************************************************************************************************

*Liam’s POV*

Having dinner with everyone was great, but also a struggle for me. All I wanted to do was talk to Niall, but I had to keep playing the role of Dani’s boyfriend because we were in public. I’m just thankful that Morgan and Rayne spent a lot of time catching up with her; I would have had a horrible time if Danielle didn’t get along with the others.

“So, we were going to, uh, talk?” Niall queries, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I need to remember to thank Morgan and Rayne for inviting us all out to dinner later, I remind myself. I look up at the Irish lad and see that he’s nervous. “Uh, yeah, I wanted to talk to you…” I trail off, not sure of how to go about this task.

“Well, here I am… Ready to talk…”

I turn back to the kitchen counter and focus on preparing the tea that I had promised. “I wanted to, uhm, apologize to you,” I finally say.

“For what?” Niall asks, his voice filled with genuine curiosity.

“For… For pushing you away and not being there for you when I should have been,” I mutter. I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, then slowly release that breath. Stay calm, Liam.

“Oh. Okay.”

I place the canister of tea on the counter and pivot so that I’m facing the blonde boy. “I’m really sorry that I did that to you, Nialler,” I repeat.

“It’s okay, I suppose, but… Why did you do it?” he questions.

My eyes widen slightly and I hesitate before speaking. “I guess it was because I was scared,” I mumble.

“Sorry, what?” Niall furrows his eyebrows and leans across the island in the middle of the kitchen so that he can hear me better.

“I was scared.”

“Scared of what? Why?” he asks, confused.

“I was scared of the future, Ni. I was scared because my whole life I’ve had terrible health, so I was scared of leaving you alone. I was scared that in the not-so-far future I would leave you with nothing but pain and heartache. I was…” I stop to think of what else I want to say, but I find myself at a loss for words.

“So your brilliant plan was to start pushing me away now? Did you think that by keeping your distance you could stop me from getting hurt if the worst happens?” Niall pauses, his eyes watering and his cheeks burning. “You know what you were doing to me? You were tearing me apart inside because I thought that I had done something wrong. I thought that it was my fault that you were acting like that; I thought you were angry with me.

“I’ve known since before we started dating that your health was mediocre at best, but that never stopped me, Liam. If I was worried about how I would feel if I lost you, I would have left you a long time ago; I’ve always been willing to put my heart on the line to be with you,” Niall rants, hardly stopping for breath.

I can feel tears streaming down my cheeks as I realize how much of an idiot I had been. “I never thought about that, Nialler. I’m sorry. I know you deserve so much better than my feeble apologies, but they’re all I have to offer,” I mutter. My breaths become short and quick as tears start flowing freely down my cheeks.

Niall sighs heavily. “I know you didn’t, Li. Knowing you, you were probably too busy worrying about how I would be affected by losing you physically to consider how I would be affected by losing you emotionally,” he points out. “You always get so focused about worrying about things that might not even happen that you forget about the things that are happening all around you.”

“You’re right,” I state, my voice wavering. “You’re absolutely right; I always worry so much about things that could happen, I ignore things that will happen. And I’m sorry for that, too.” I squeeze my eyes shut again and just focus on breathing evenly again. Inhale, exhale.

I feel a cloth dabbing at my still-falling tears, gently wiping them away. A moment later the cloth disappears and is replaced by a cold, familiar hand. The hand presses against my cheek, making me face away from the island.

“Liam?” a tentative voice whispers.

I can feel his breath against my face, surprising me by how close he is. “Yeah, Niall?” I squeak, my eyes still shut.

“Will you please look at me?” he pleads.

I reluctantly agree, prying my eyes open. My heart rate quickens as I watch Niall’s gaze flicker to my lips.

“I want you to know,” he murmurs, “that I understand why you did what you did.”

I bite my lip when I realize that he isn’t going to continue. Is that it? He ‘understands’? Is he angry? I’m so focused on my thoughts that I don’t notice Niall closing the space between us until his lips press against my own. My eyes close and I let myself enjoy the moment, entirely unsure of how long it will last.

Niall’s free hand snakes around my neck and into my hair, pulling me even closer to him. I wrap my arms around his waist and hold him as if my life depends on him; all the while our lips continue to move in sync. Then, just as suddenly as it started, Niall pulls away and looks me in the eyes.

“I also want you to know,” he begins, pausing to give me a peck on the cheek. “I want you to know that I forgive you and that I’m just glad to have you back.”

“Well, Niall, I want you to know something as well,” I say. I watch as he raises an eyebrow, making me want to laugh at his confusion. I restrain myself, but can’t fight off the grin that has made its way into my facial expression. “I love you, Niall James Horan.”

The blonde boy rolls his eyes and smirks at me before replying: “And I love you, Liam James Payne.”