Bad Decisions - Alex Turner

52. Last Nights On Earth

"I'll be back in a couple of hours," I said to Alex as I dug my car keys from my bag.

  "Hey, hey, wait," Alex said, jogging down the hall to meet me by the front door. "I just want you to know how proud of you I am," he said gently, holding my hands in his.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded with a soft smile.

  "You're the strongest woman I know," Alex said, "and I'm so so proud of how far you've come. And you should be too."

  I smiled up at him, "I am," I nodded, "I couldn't have done it without you."

  Alex smiled, "yes you could've. But even after today, I'm always gonna be here, I know you know that but I just want to reiterate that if you ever feel like you want to go back, it's okay. And I'm gonna support you okay?"

  I nodded again and wrapped my arms around him tight. It was my last booked in therapy session with no follow up for the first time in years. After all that time, finally I felt like I had built myself up enough to stop seeing my therapist, and she agreed that she saw the vast change in me too. It was daunting to make that decision but I knew it was going to be the right path to take and if I ever needed to go back, I knew I had someone to rely on who could help me like she had for so long. Finally, I knew I was happy with everything in my life.

  "I love you so much," Alex said, squeezing me tight and kissing my temple.

  "I love you," I said into his neck. As rarely as I would say it to him, he was the main reason I'd been able to build myself up again. He was my person, and I knew he had my back through everything. He always has been a once in a lifetime.

  "Go get em," he said, kissing my cheek, "I'll take you out for lunch when you get back."

  Grinning, I kissed him hard before I left and when I returned to him, I felt better than I had in almost a decade. I still had worries and second guesses but I'd settled that it was what made me human. I knew I wasn't perfect, I knew it was going to take a lot more than four years of therapy to be that. But for now, I was the best I'd been and I was finally able to focus on my priority: Alex.

He was always so supportive it sometimes made me cry. From the beginning, he was never condescending or suffocating. He was just there when I needed him and helped me figure things out that I couldn't on my own. I owe him everything.

For my birthday that year, a stomach churning twenty eight already (of course Alex would tell me I wasn't to complain as he'd now hit thirty one), Alex surprised me yet again by booking us a penthouse in Malibu for a couple of nights.

We spent almost the entire morning of my birthday in bed. Tangled in white sheets and lost words.

  He woke me up by showering me with kisses, making me giggle as I opened my eyes to the most beautiful sight. "Happy birthday, love," he smiled, hovering over me and leant down, kissing me hard and making me grin. "God, I love you," he hummed, dotting kisses all over my face and neck.

  I could lie with him forever. Resting on his chest, tracing out his collarbones as he recited to me the moment he fell in love with me. "The moment that I knew that I didn't want to be anything but yours was that night in the desert," Alex said. "So early on, I know...but just the sight of you under those stars when it were just you and I on the bike...I couldn't help meself."

"Saorise's wedding however, was the day I knew I was willing to risk it all for you," he said, stroking my hair and avoiding looking directly into my eyes. "Even though I knew it was wrong, all I could think about was you. And I've never thought of anything since."