IF THEY LIVED (Harry Potter)

30|THE WHOMPING WILLOW

6th of April 1982, 16:00

James has been sitting in front of the fire in the Room of Requirement since he left Dumbledore's office last night. He couldn't sleep or eat or think. He was numb. He was empty. He felt as though somebody ripped his heart out of his chest and replaced it with a dementor. 

"James," he heard Remus say hesitantly. "Are you sure you don't want to eat anything?"

"Yes," James snapped and continued to stare at the flames. He heard Remus sigh as he sat down next to him.

"Dada," he heard Harry say, but James couldn't move, he couldn't look away from the fire. The flames wouldn't let him look away. They were consuming him.

"James," Remus tried again, "it's 4 o'clock in the afternoon... You have been sitting here for 14 hours now... Please just drink some water at least..."

"No," James croaked, remaining still as Remus handed him a glass of water. He didn't want water, he didn't want anything. He just wanted to be left alone with the fire.

"Please," Remus tried again, "you can't just disappear like that... Harry needs you..."

"He's got you," James snapped.

"Yes, but I am not his 'dada', am I?" Remus argued. "Come on James, you need to start moving again."

"You don't know what I need," James whispered seriously.

"Well I know that doing this isn't helping anybody," Remus insisted, challenging James' temper. 

"Go away," he said steadily.

"No."

"Go away, Remus..."

"I am not going away," Remus said, "I am not leaving you alone, until you have this glass of water."

"GO AWAY!" James bellowed. He felt his eyes finally breaking contact with the fire and turn to Remus. He wanted to continue shouting, but hesitated upon seeing Harry's face, which was full of fear and on the verge of crying. Guilt started gathering in his chest, as he realized how selfish he had been. He abandoned his baby, who was, undoubtfully, also missing his mother. 

James held out his arms towards Harry and picked him up. Harry's arms immediately flew around his neck. James buried his face into Harry's messy black hair and wrapped his arms protectively around him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I will never leave you alone again..."

He suddenly became aware of how hot his face was, how dry his mouth was and felt pains in his empty stomach. He reached for the glass of water from the table and downed it, while still tightly embracing Harry with his left arm.

"I'm sorry Remus," he said, looking at his friend, who was now smiling sadly at him. "I know you only meant well... I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"No need to apologize," Remus said, "I'm just happy to see you moving."

"I just... I couldn't stop..."

"It's okay," Remus said softly. James smiled and sat Harry down on his lap, allowing him to play with the buttons of the cardigan, he had borrowed from Remus the previous day.

"Do you think..." James said after a minute of painful silence. "Do you think they are still..."

"I don't know..." Remus said, trying to pick the right words to use. "I think so - hope so - I mean, nobody's been attacked since..."

"That's... that's good, right?" James croaked hesitantly. 

"No news is good news," Remus said, trying to sound hopeful.

"Somehow this makes me feel better and worse at the same time," James said and Remus nodded slowly. They both knew that if Lily and Sirius hadn't given up their location to Voldemort, they were most likely still being interrogated. 

"What about if we go for a walk," Remus finally said, "stretch our legs, clear our minds, maybe visit the kitchens to get some food in you?"

"Yes, I suppose we could," James said after a moment after of silence. "But we take the cloak and the map."

Remus nodded and summoned the cloak and the Marauders map. He covered James and Harry with the cloak. They went to the kitchens, where the house elves prepared them sandwiches, pumpkin juice and some fruit and pancakes for Harry. After they were all fed and watered, they went for a walk around the grounds. It was a sunny afternoon - hardly a cloud in the sky. The grass was green, covered with various flowers and the birds were singing cheerfully, as though there was not a worry in the world. James felt even more empty, as he looked around at the peaceful nature surrounding him. He was jealous of the birds and flowers, he was angry at them. He was angry at the falseness of their projection of the world. 

"Do you remember how Peter crashed into this tree, while he was being chased by Sirius?" Remus said, breaking the silence, as they walked towards the quidditch pitch. His words made James' train of thought crash into a tall brick wall. He looked over at the tree, Remus was pointing at.

"How could I ever forget," James chuckled nostalgically. "It resulted in his first visit to the hospital wing."

"He was so afraid of Poppy," Remus remembered. "Are you going to show Harry where he is going to play quidditch when he goes to Hogwarts?"

"Okay," James said and they approached the pitch. He told Harry which stands belonged to which house, where the professors sat, where the commentator sat, where the changing rooms are and where the Marauders always sat, when they watched the game. He was thankful to Remus for suggesting the topic and even more thankful for not interrupting him. He needed this so much - to talk, to forget just for a moment...

After the tour of the quidditch pitch, they walked towards the Whomping Willow. They decided to sit on the grass (keeping a safe distance from the Willow). James pulled off the cloak, letting Harry play on the grass, while Remus was still keeping an eye on the map.

"When you are going to go to Hogwarts, you will get this cloak and the map," James told Harry, "and you will have so many adventures with your friends."

"He will continue our legacy," Remus said with a smile.

"Maybe he will find more secret passages," James suggested, looking at his son, who was now sitting on the grass and laughing at butterfly.

"He'll probably find the Chamber of Secrets with you and Sirius as role models," Remus chuckled.

"If he finds that chamber, I will go to Gringotts and kiss a goblin," James said.

"I will keep that in mind," Remus chuckled, "and I get to pick-"

Remus suddenly stopped speaking and James saw his jaw drop slowly. His eyes widened as he stared at the map. James could see he was hesitating.

"Remus..." James said uncertainly and quickly picked up Harry from the ground. "Remus what is going-"

"Get the cloak," Remus said urgently. "Get under the cloak now."

"What is it?" James asked, as he reached for his cloak, but before he could, he saw Remus drop the map on the ground and reach for his wand.

"Sirius?"

Hi there!

I originally planned on writing Lily and Sirius' part in this chapter as well, but I think the chapter would be far too long if I did so...

Also, I couldn't stop myself... I had to leave it on this very Sirius cliffhanger... (sorry?)

Vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter!

Love,

Lizzie:)