UA Traitor (?) - finished

Part 24

Trigger warning: Mentioning of suicide, self harm

The lesson went on really slowly. I thought about a lot. What should I do? Go on like this or just end everything. I hate it! All of it! I don't know anymore who's telling the truth, I don't even know who I can trust or if I can trust anyone. Maybe he's right and I should end everything!

"Midoriya what is wrong?"

"Huh?" I look up from my desk and see Todoroki standing infront of me. "Yes why do you ask?"

"Well first of the bell already rang for our lunch break and second you're crying. Please tell me what's going on. I'm really worried for you."

I wipe away the tears, that I just realized, with the sleeve of my school uniform. "I'm fine Todoroki-kun, just a bit in thoughts."

"Okey" he does not look verry convinced. "Let's go get lunch."

"Um sure, let's go." We walk into the cafeteria and at my surprise we sit down at a table with Uraraka and Iida. Of course Kacchan was there too, like alway, but normally they scare everyone else off if they want to sit with us.

"Hey Deku-kun. How are you?" Uraraka asks.

"Eh I-I'm fine. W-What about you." I'm not used to talk to people, besides Todoroki and Kacchan, anymore.

"I'm fine too, thanks. So how is it going with your memories?"

Yeah how's it going with your memories. As if she even really want to know. She's just acting to get their plan to work. Once you believe them you're nothing more than a bother. Well you already are. Even if they're telling the truth I bet you're pretty annoying to them. Helping a villain, who could kill them any second, to regain his memories. Such a bother!

//He's right. I'm just a bother to everyone even the LoV. Otherwise they wouldn't gave me to the heroes. They just want to get rid of me. Maybe I should make it easier for them, but how? I'm supervised almost all the time. Only in my room. I have to look for something later on. Maybe everyone will be at peace if I'm gone. I don't want to bother anyone or make them afraid all the time.//

"Deku-kun?" Uraraka  waver her hand infront of my face.

"Huh? What is it?" I ask dumbfolded.

"You didn't respond to my question and that for almost 10 minuites. Our break is over in 5 minuites and you still didn't eat." She looks worried.

Probably just an act.

"Ah sorry I was just lost in thoughts. I should eat fast." I start eating, trying to ignore the worried faces of them around me.

Like I said, just an act. They don't worry, they're just annoyed.

After I ate my lunch we head back to class. Today we only had theory lessons, so no sport, combat training or rescue training. I'm glad it is like that, I have no motivation on doing anything now. After the last lesson finally ends I head back to the dorms, like always followed by Kacchan and Todoroki-kun. We don't speak at all on the way.

Finally we arrive at my room. I go inside and both of them follow. I put my bag down and let out a long sigh. "Sorry guys but could you leave me alone for now. I'm not feeling well and would like to rest a bit."

"You sure that's enought Midoriya? We can go see recovery girl if you want."

"N-No it's fine, I just have to get some rest. I should be fine tomorrow, don't worry. Ah and you don't need to pick me up for dinner. I'm not really hungry today."

"OK but if there is something just scream or if I'm in my room I can hear you on the other side of that wall." He points at the wall where the desk stands.

"Ok thank you Todoroki-kun." He nods and walks out, but Kacchan stays.

"Bakugou you not coming?" Todoroki-kun asks at the doorframe.

"Go forward, I go out in a second." While he speaks he seems to try and anylise me. He doesn't let me out of his sight. Todoroki-kun nods and goes to his room.

"Um w-what do you want? You know I'm really not felling well and would like to take a na-..."

"What is going on? You're not telling the truth, well not the whole truth. So what is wrong?"

"I-I don't know what you mean. I'm just tired and all. Probably because of yesterday. Just let me sleep a bit and I'm fine."

"After what happened this morning I'm not sure about that. But I won't force you to tell me anything just.... just don't do anything stupid."

Does he knows what I want to do? No! That's impossible!

"S-Sure I promise."

"Good, but just in case I will look after you later. Now go and sleep. You really look like shit." With that he turns around and finally leaves my room. Of course locks it from the outside.

I sigh again and start to look around the room if there is anything I can use. I look through the drawers of my desk, but can't find anything useful. After that I search through my bookshelf, again nothing. In the end I searched everywhere also in my closet and every cabinet and drawer there is in this room, but nothing. I sit down on the bed and let out a long sigh.

Wait a moment. The bed? If this really is my room maybe.... I lift the mattress and there it is! Two raizor blades are hidden there. Well I always wondered there the scars at my upper leg came from. Probably I did it there, so no one could see them easily. My mind probably was a wreck even before this happened.

I take the blades out and sit back down on the bed. I roll up my sleeves. When I really do this it doesn't matter anymore if anyone sees the cuts. I hasitate for a moment. Will they be sad when I'm gone or even relived?

I would say relieved. You just bother them all the time. They have to stick around you and have to babysitt you! Of course they'll be relieved. This is the best for you too. Nobody will betray or hurt you ever again. Damn even I exist only because the LoV probably did some experiments on you. By now you have almost all the time headaches so the pain will be gone after some time.

"You're right. I have no one and always bother everyone. I feel like a big baby that needs help with everything. Should I write a letter to them?"

Yeah maybe it's better. They probably won't read it, but you can spill your heart.

"Mhmm." I put the blades on the nightstand and walk to my desk. I sit down and write a farewell letter. After I finished I sit back down on my bed. It would be easier if I had my own bathroom, but I don't so it could need a bit more time. My sleeves are still rolled up to my elbows.  I take the blade and cut along my wrist. Well one cut isn't enough so I go on.

2 cuts..... 5 cuts..... 10 cuts.

I go on until I can't even see the cuts because of the amount of blood, I stoped counting at some point. Both my arms are covered in blood. I let the blad fall to the ground. I shiver, probably because of the blood loss. I start to feel dizzy and my vision blurs.

At some point I started to cry. Now there pours a pool of blood and tears on my floor infront of the bed. I smile and then everything went black and I fall to the ground.