Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

36. Comfort

Robin's POV

In his entire life, Robin had never felt so nervous. He had no idea how to come out to Peter before, and it seemed irrelevant to him. But Peter was an openminded person, he would love Robin just the same, right? Right?

He glanced up at the older, accidentally meeting his eyes. He immediately lowered his head. 'So...'

'Ah yeah, I'm sorry.' Peter said. 'I was taking a little time to process that, but a lot of things were suddenly clicking in my head. It makes a lot more sense now.'

'What does?' Robin asked, slightly panicking. He didn't... perhaps... misunderstand anything, right?

'Just, why you didn't become a dad despite your love for children, yet decided to become a nanny. I've always thought you could be such a great dad, but you don't plan on being one. I guess that makes a bit more sense now.'

'Hmm...' Robin nods slowly. 'That's one reason indeed.'

'But still, if you wanted a family of your own, you could have adopted kids too, right? Why did you become a nanny?'

'Because for adoption, you need a partner in this state.'

'You could find a partner anywhere.' Peter said. 'There are so many reasons to love you, I can't be the only one who sees that.'

'The problem is not other people, it's me.' Robin said, though a tiny bit touched by Peter's remark.

'Why?' Peter asked.

'I've lost faith in love a long time ago.' Robin did not have the courage to look up at Peter while saying that. Maybe his lack of faith in love was even more embarrasing than his sexuality.

Suddenly, Peter took his hand in both his hands. 'That's okay, Robin.' he said. 'I too lost my faith in love when I was young. But then Leah came and turned my life upside down.' He chuckled. 'Anyway, what I mean to say is that it isn't abnormal to have doubts about love. It's not wrong to have questions, just like it's not wrong to be gay. And about your dad -excuse my language-  he is a terrible asshole.'

Robin finally dared to look up, into Peter's warm brown eyes. His look was sincere, honest and warm and touched Robin's heart to the point where he his eyes were starting to tear up.

Seeing that, Peter let go of his hand to pull him into a hug instead, to a warm chest. 'You must have suffered a lot.' he said quietly.

Still, even with tears in his eyes, Robin didn't cry. He felt rather relieved to have it off his chest and was grateful for Peter's acceptance, so he hugged the older tightly. It was really comfortable, he couldn't bring himself to let go.'

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At first, Robin was too scared to let go, still anxious that his words could have dropped a bomb on their friendship. Even though Peter had just told him it was okay, he knew that they were very close and just hoped that Peter wouldn't think Robin... liked him in that way.

Peter understood his fear and even when Robin let go, he didn't say much. There were no words.

After a while, Peter spoke up, voice hoarse. 'Should we go to bed?', immediately followed by: 'Will you sleep in my bed for one more night? I don't want you to have dreams again.'

Robin blinked. Wow, not just accepting me, he doesn't even treat me any different.

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Later, when they were lying in the double bed next to each other, Robin's back faced Peter's. He still felt ashamed for some reason.

'It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know that, right?' he heard Peter's voice behind him.

'Hm.' Robin said, voice a bit stifled.

'Thank you for trusting me.' 

'Hm.'

'It really means a lot to me.'

Robin didn't reply. He felt sad, though he didn't know what it was exactly.

He heard shuffling, and Peter's arm slid over his waist, nuzzling his head in Robin's shoulder. It reminded Robin of the time he had done the same thing, when Peter had the panic attack that night, when they talked about Leah. It felt comforting.

'I used to look up to my dad.' he started. Peter listened, not letting go.

'We weren't rich, but he worked hard and took care of us well. I never really became close with him though. He was always a bit distant, not just towards me, but to my mom as well. She overlooked that nonetheless, since she loved him with her entire heart. But when I was ten years old, there were problems at his work and a lot were fired... including him. Ever since, he started to have random outbursts where he would throw stuff and yell at us. However, he apologized everytime, so we forgave him. Then, he found a new job, but his wage was a lot lower, and he was under a lot of pressure. It was during that time when I started to think about myself more and discovered that i felt attracted to guys. It kept me really occupied, so one day, during dinner, I told my mom and dad about my doubts.'

He chuckled. 'Hell broke loose that day. He yelled things like "who's going to give me grandchildren then", he said I was confused and I couldn't be gay and he threw stuff again, including the hot soup that was on the table, my mom got a second-degree burn on her wrist which left a scar. I still hate him for that.' He clenched his fist, Peter soothingly stroked the skin of his upper arm with his thumb, which relaxed Robin again.

'He eventually stopped raging, but he didn't apologize. He just ignored me for a long period of time, thinking it was just a phase and would pass. But when he found out I still believed I was gay after a few months, he started verbally abusing me. He degraded me and said I would neever get anywhere in life, that I wasn't worthy of being called his son. My mom, she was really mad at him. She still loved him, but she couldn't watch him treating me like that, so she stood up for me. Then, the two of them started to have a lot of fights, he called her a traitor and eventually started threatening to leave. My mom was done with him and told him to just go, but I knew she still loved him deep down, I begged him to stay but he didn't even spare me a glance, he kicked me off like a street dog and walked out of our life without looking back.'

He sighed. 'It was sort of relieving, but then our financial situation got even worse, since he left no trace of himself, he refused to pay the alimony too. My mom cried a lot around that time. She missed him. Even though he was an asshole, my dad was her first love, she had married him at a young age and truly loved him. I felt like it was my fault that he left, even though she said he had just used me as an excuse, that he had wanted to leave since earlier. She said she hated him, but she spilt so many tears on him, way too many. So well, that's the story about my asshole of a dad.'

Robin had mainly told the story in a monotone voice, despite the heave emotions he felt, but Peter had heard it. After a short silence, he reached over to take Robin's hand in his, resting them both to Robin's chest. 

'You've been through so much.' he whispered. 'You deserve a way better life than this.'

This time, Robin really broke down in tears. Peter just held him tight, wrapped in the comfort of his arms.

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I am honestly kinda satisfied with this chapter. I really felt it. Also, Peter is so supportive that I feel like I am going to cry. "It's not wrong to have questions, just like it's not wrong to be gay." Did that really come out of my head? Wow.

This is not K-Pop related, but definitely worth listening. That angelic voice...