Our Nanny is a Boy || bxb

28. What's wrong about love?

Robin's POV

Robin sat at the couch in Alexander's living room when it was getting close to 4PM. The eightteen-year-old was lowkey going insane but Robin wanted to give him some space when Pilsang called. And after all they didn't know for sure but the chance was pretty big that Pilsang would be under surveillance.

When the phone rang, Alexander panicked. 'Shit, what do I do? What should I say?'

'Just pick up the phone, you don't want to waste any second of these ten minutes.' Robin said.

'Right.' Robin could see Alexander's fingers trembling as he accepted the call, smiling hesitantly to the camera as it was a face call. 'Ann...yeong?' 

He put the phone on speaker. There was a short silence until Pilsang's voice was heard. 'Annyeong, hyung.' His voice was deeper than when he sang.

Then, there was another silence, in which Alexander was staring at the screen intently. 

'Are you alright?' he finally asked. 'I've been so worried about you, Sang-ah.'

'I'm fine.' There was another silence, though it was shorter and Robin guessed they were communicating non-verbally since Alexander nodded. 'Me too.'

Without looking at Robin he signed that Pilsang was indeed being watched. 

Therefore, their conversation over those ten minutes did not go into depth much, though there were a lot of silences. Robin couldn't understand everything they said as his Korean so far is rather basic, but Alexander told Pilsang about his life here, assuring him he was truly fine, also telling him how proud he was that Pilsang was able to debut, because he truly shined. His tone was like a hyung-to-dongsaeng tone, yet his face said different words. Pilsang did not talk much. Alexander already told Robin that he wasn't much of a talkative person and under supervision it was a disaster. Though Alexander had more than enough questions for him.

Even though Alexander held up the hyung-dongsaeng game very well, in the last thirty seconds his voice broke as he told Pilsang to eat and take good care of himself, ending with: 'We'll meet again one day, okay?'

As he hung up, he immediately broke down in tears. 'I don't even know whether we can meet again, why did I promise him such a thing?'

Robin hurried over to pull him into a hug. 'You did really well, Alex.'

'His eyes, they speak to me so clearly.' Alexander cried. 'He's not fine, Robin. He pretends he's fine, but his eyes tell me the truth, it affected him like it did me, and I don't want him to suffer, it hurts...'

The words "it hurts" took Robin's mind back to when Peter called him at night for a second, when he said everything hurt, and his heart still hurt thinking about it. Just like Alexander didn't want Pilsang to suffer, Robin hated it when Peter suffered.

He let the younger cry on his shoulder, and he himself shed a few tears for his friend's pain as well. Life was truly unfair to good people.

'I wish I could do something, but I'm absolutely uncapable and utterly limited.' Alexander mumbled, his fists clenched tightly, trembling.

After he calmed down mostly, he wiped his tears and let go of Robin, folding up his legs under his chin. 'His eyes also told me that he still loves me, he couldn't hide it. But I wish he didn't. If he didn't, he wouldn't have to be hurt like this. But he is scared of our future. He doesn't know whether he wants to fight for our love or give up. I wish he's give up, but I know him well enough to know that "giving up" is not part of his dictionary. If he gives up on his own dream for me, I- I would never be able to look at him without hating myself like crazy. What is wrong about love, Robin? What's wrong with simply loving someone?'

Robin suddenly got a flashback, he heard himself yell those same words. He hugged Alexander to hide his tears for the younger. This was not the time to think about himself.

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He slept restlessly. Even though he slept for about four hours, he had dreams he kept forgetting, yet he woke up with a feeling, glitching between emptiness and agonizing pain. He had forgotten to take his Valium with him, so instead he took sleeping pills. He took more than he was supposed to, but he didn't know what else he was supposed to do. He used Alexander's earbuds so he could listen to calming music. His breath was slightly uneven and he felt hot.

He woke up the next morning to light falling into the room, instantly panicking. It was 6.45 AM which meant he was supposed to be at Peter's within fifteen minutes. He should be able to make it if he skipped breakfast, so he took a really quick shower, got dressed, brushed his teeth and did his hair before leaving a quick note for Alexander.

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Everyone is a mess at this point. That was my plan tho.

I don't want any of you to miss out on this song, it's so beautiful and touching. It really suits this chapter and Alexander's feelings.