What the heart wants

Chapter 32

Jeongyeon fixes her gaze on Chaeyoung who's paying attention to the online fansign. As if sensing eyes on her, she turns to her left only for the taller girl to look away immediately.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Chaeyoung teases when she corners Jeongyeon in the dorm which is unusually quiet because Jihyo, Mina, Sana and Tzuyu are out shopping. Nayeon, Dahyun and Momo are shooting for a new television program.

Jeongyeon regards the younger girl warily. "Why would you ask me that?"

"I don't know you tell me." Chaeyoung advances playfully towards where the taller girl is sitting. It's all fun and playful until their eyes lock together and she sees Jeongyeon swallow thickly. Her pulse races slightly and Chaeyoung takes a step back because there is something heavy looming in the air between them.

Jeongyeon lets out a breath of relief when Chaeyoung puts some distance between them. She closes the book in her lap and contemplates if she should go to her room.

"There's nothing to say Chaeyoungah." She mutters as she looks at a spot near her feet.

Chaeyoung wants to give her a hug because Jeongyeon who's always composed looks troubled and it tugs at her heartstrings.

"Nothing always means something." She mumbles under her breath and takes the older girl's hand between hers. They're soft and warm, a striking contrast to her strong and loud personality.

Jeongyeon looks up and takes in Chaeyoung who is studying her with watchful eyes. "Maybe, but you aren't ready to hear what I say."

The words affect Chaeyoung deeply for some reason and she doesn't look away. "You won't know until you say it."

She sees Jeongyeon's steely eyes soften for a bit. She's not sure if it's her imagination, but Jeongyeon gulps visibly and the distance between them seems to be closing.

"Bishes we are home."

Jihyo's loud voice startles them both and they spring apart quickly.

"Are you two fighting?" That's the first question Tzuyu inquires. Because, Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung are always bickering and there's never a dull moment when the two of them are left alone.

"No." Jeongyeon insists.

Mina's gaze flickers between the two. When Chaeyoung's eyes meet hers, the younger girl looks away guiltily.

Mina knows something is wrong but she isn't the type to interrogate. She knows Chaeyoung will come to her when she's ready to talk.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Jeongyeon mentally scolds herself. What was she thinking? She almost..

She cuts off her thoughts because she is terrified to even let her mind linger on that moment.

"You're making me dizzy." Nayeon whines because Jeongyeon is pacing back and forth in the balcony. They're having their late night hot chocolate because Jeongyeon said she has something to talk about. "It's better if you don't think too much and just come right out with it."

Jeongyeon inhales deeply as if to gain the strength to say the words. "I almost kissed Chaeyoung tonight."

Jeongyeon glimpses at Nayeon who is speechless for a second. Then her face breaks into a slow smile. "Good one."

Jeongyeon doesn't return the smile. She looks panicked, her eyes clouded with worry.

Nayeon's smile dies a quick death. The pain that's been ebbing and flowing inside her like a stormy sea threatens to wreck havoc.

"I'd never lie to you." Jeongyeon admits in a low voice.

Nayeon slowly gets off her chair and puts the mug in her hand down on the coffee table. "She likes Mina."

Jeongyeon nods. "And Mina likes her."

Nayeon realises they're the two most fucked people on earth. Why else would they pine after someone who likes someone else.

"Jeongyeon, don't lose sight of what you have going after what you can't have." She whispers in a low voice.

"I have nothing Nayeon." The taller girl sobs painfully. "Nothing at all."

Nayeon's heart breaks again because the words are so far removed from the truth.

"You're going to break Mina's heart." She breathes.

And mine. She thinks, but doesn't say it.

"That's not possible." Jeongyeon snorts, "because Chaeyoung is never going to like me back."

Nayeon lets the silence linger in the air between them. Because it gives her a relief from the loud noise in her head, yelling and screaming at her to do the right thing. But love is a baffling thing, what's right for one person could be wrong for another.

One thing she's sure about is that some hearts are going to be broken.

"I can't ask you to not follow your heart." Not if I want mine to be broken, her mind helpfully supplies. "But I wish you didn't."

Jeongyeon slumps down on the chair , the words assuring her belief that she should not hold onto feelings that are never going to be returned.

"I won't, but I don't know what to do with these feelings either. Tell me how to make it go away."

Nayeon knows it's a rhetorical question. She scoffs mentally because if she knew the answer to that she could put herself out of misery too.

"You can't make them go away, you just have to learn to live with it."

She pulls the older girl into a hug and kisses the top of her head eventhough her heart is squeezing painfully and she feels like she can't breath. "You're going to be okay. I'll always be there for you."

Jeongyeon lets the tears well in her eyes as she snuggles into the warmth that is Nayeon. "Thank you."

They don't notice Chaeyoung and Mina glancing at them curiously as they walk past the balcony to get their late night snack.