Unstable Loyalties

Chapter 21

The 'bots were shocked. Well, shocked was an understatement. This was what Optimus was worried about, what he had feared. How would Lightning react to this death? War created a burden, over all people, the loss of unnecessary lives. Optimus could tell that she was broken within, blaming herself. A pain he knew all too well. Ratchet gazed out of the cockpit, deep in thought and filled with worry. Lightning was taking this hard. 

Yet, they were powerless to do anything, he knew. Lightning would have to defeat herself before she let anyone in. And if she gave up... what would happen then? Lightning was dangerous, to the Sirens and herself. If she kept it within for too long, she would finally snap, with the possibility of endangering all those she held near. Optimus exchanged a glance with Ratchet. The medic knew what Optimus was going to do. He was going to stay here, just for a while, until Lightning was more stable. 

"Stay with her, old friend, it is for the best. Besides, I am sure that the 'bots will be able to cope without you for a while," Ratchet told Optimus softly. Optimus looked at Ratchet with gratitude in his eyes as he nodded. 

Later that night...

Lightning was dreaming, again. This time, it was different. Everyone was here, everyone except a certain carrier. She should be here, where was she? Lightning walked down one of the long corridors in the base, searching. A familiar figure at the end of the corridor. Lightning quickened her steps, walking forwards towards the woman with long white hair flowing behind her. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked into those painfully familiar blue eyes. Wordlessly, the woman held out her hand and Lightning reached out...

Lightning's eyes fluttered open as reality set in. She groaned as she sat up, her hand instinctively reaching to her side, where the newly-healed wound was. There was still a slight ache there, it would definitely take longer to heal. Perhaps it would leave yet another scar... Lightning sighed at the thought. It was all my fault Yorktown died... Unconsciously, she recalled her conversation with Enterprise and Hornet yet again.

Flashback

"Sis would have wanted us to keep fighting... until the world is safe..." Hornet trailed off, tears in her eyes. Gone was her cheerful mood, a grieving sister taking its place. 

"We will do our best to honor Yorktown's wishes, such that her death will not be in vain," Enterprise spoke, her voice trembling slightly. Those violet eyes of hers, dull and broken, she was clearly mourning the loss of her beloved sister. 

"As if once wasn't enough..." Enterprise whispered, Lightning barely managing to hear it. 

"We will finish this war, for Yorktown. Remember this, Lightning," Hornet said, smiling a small, sorrowful smile as they left.

End of flashback

Lightning gazed out of the window, seeing the black, unforgiving ocean. The very same one that had taken the life of another today. Flashes of Yorktown's death ran through her head. That was the only this the ocean reminded her of. Death. She shuddered as she turned away. She was not ready to face the ocean, not yet. There was no way to bring Yorktown back. 

At first, she had begged Shokaku for Yorktown's reincarnation. She was willing to do it, it was her fault that Yorktown was dead, after all. Shokaku would not allow her to. Yorktown would not want this, she said. Yorktown would want them to fight for her, not exchange their lives for hers. She didn't even ask Yorktown to forgive her... there had been no time. 

Lightning slowly made her way up to the top of the cliff, where someone was waiting. Optimus. Or rather, his holoform. His alt-mode was parked in one of the base's hangars. 

"It's not your fault, Lightning," he comforted her. 

"It is," Lightning said, her voice void of emotion, although the tears were streaming down her face. "I should have been more careful, should have avoided that shot..." "What is done is done, Lightning," Optimus cut her off before continuing, more gently this time, "There is no way to undo it now. You have to accept it. Death is common on the battlefield, unfortunately. You cannot bear all the burden on your own, Lightning. It is perfectly normal to blame yourself, but you must overcome this. For your own good and for others good." 

Lightning's eyes flashed with anger. 

"For others' good? Soon, I will have no one, no one at all, just... leave me alone, Optimus, please..." Lightning snapped, her voice dropping to a whisper. 

"Very well, Lightning, just remember that we will always be here for you," Optimus said, barely making any effort to conceal the hurt in his voice. 

"Just go," Lightning hissed as she turned away, more tears falling as she listened to his receding footsteps. 

Lightning stepped forward. Closer, closer, until she was at the very edge of the cliff. She looked down, watching as the foamy waves crashed on the huge, jagged rocks below. Should she take that step? Everyone she loved would soon be gone. The 'bots all returned to Cybertron, Optimus would go soon. Enterprise and Hornet probably blamed her for Yorktown's death. it was her fault after all. Yamato, Bismarck and Essex all knew it was her fault, after all, they had seen her get hurt when she should have avoided that shot. Tirpitz and Bunker Hill... they were already so distrustful of everyone. Now that they had seen this, they would obviously desert her. She would have to prove herself all over, but that was not what made it most painful. 

The fact that everyone would most likely abandon her... wasn't that why she came here in the first place? So that she could fit in, be of use? She shouldn't have come. Then, Yorktown would not have died, she would not have to suffer like this. She let out a cry of agony. Why was it so hard? Just one more step, for all your troubles to be over, her mind whispered. Sis would have wanted us to fight... she remembered Hornet's words. 

No one would care if she was gone, would they? So what was stopping her? The need to fight. They needed her. If she stepped forward, this would be another pointless death, a death in vain. Even worse, a dishonorable one. Only a coward would die like this. She was not a coward. Yorktown's one death was nothing, nothing compared to the losses suffered in war. But that was what made it hurt the most. Yorktown's death was a mere insignificance. So many others had died, yet this death had affected others so much. 

The problem was, no one took it seriously, that was what pained her the most. Why did it have to be Yorktown? Was it fate? Destiny? 

"Why her?" Lightning choked out, taking in a shuddering breath. No, she would not die like this. She would fight, for Yorktown, and if her time did come, it would be in battle. A life to save many others. She stepped back from the edge, gave one last glance at the merciless, unforgiving sea, then turned around, heading back to base.

Yet another chapter! A pretty depressing one. I'm so sorry! *cowers as people throw stuff* I had to do it okay? Now don't kill me just yet, this book must be completed!

~Lightningstar out