TWs: Self-Deprecating Thoughts
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Remus kept walking, anger fading quickly into deep biting shame. Blinking back tears, he reflected in despair how he really was an animal to go off on his mates as he had. The werewolf berated himself mercilessly for how he had handled the situation. He had to be better at keeping his emotions hidden. But why had James looked afraid of him? Had he noticed Remus' eyes glowing again? He had all but blinded himself with his wand to prevent that from happening. Remus hated how...how different he was, hated how calm he had been.
Because what were a few car-sized Acromantula compared to one sadistic kidnapping werewolf? He scowled at nothing, his thoughts as dark and filthy as himself.
"I say, young man!" called a scandalized portrait of a medieval medical apothecary wizard chopping beetles that he had accidentally directed his glare at.
"Sorry," he mumbled, dropping his eyes.
"Tsk tsk, what fierce eyes you have," one of the other portraits, of a renaissance witch in her large ball gown, tittered at him.
Remus jumped, realizing his eyes must be glowing again in the dark. He crouched down to the ground, arms wrapped around his head in a failing attempt to keep all the turmoil inside of him.
Would he never be able to forget what he was, even if just for a moment? He just wanted a moment of not being a monster. That's all. He rocked slightly on the balls of his heels trying to calm down, wanting to scream.
"Remus..." came a hushed whisper he knew all too well, one he completely dreaded hearing.
"Lumos," he whispered, not even caring if a professor found him, anything was better than the constant haunting reminder of what he was.
"What the hell, Lupin! Lose the light or we'll wind up in more trouble," came another familiar voice. Remus sighed, unsure if the second voice, slightly farther away than the first, made the situation worse or better.
"James?" Sirius asked, surprised.
"Sirius," James replied cheekily, a slight edge of excitement to his voice that always seemed to happen when they were breaking the rules.
"Why did you follow me?" Sirius asked, the usual excitement about the same thing absent from his tone at the moment.
"Why did YOU follow ME?" Remus muttered angrily under his breath, though if Sirius heard he pretended not to.
"To stop you from doing something moronic, obviously," James mumbled just as the sound of panting meant Peter had also arrived. It all seemed like one bad joke and Remus had to stop himself from letting out a bubble of frantic laughter over the absurdity of it all. His chest ached with how much they all meant to him and how badly he wished he could be different for their sakes.
"Piss off, Potter. But he has a point, Remus, you should put your wand away," Sirius huffed playfully.
"I...I need it..." the werewolf stammered, only able to hear rather than see them.
"Oh sorry...I guess it makes sense you'd still be scared," Sirius mumbled, sounding a bit uncomfortable.
"Yeah," Remus whispered, not bothering to correct him. He jumped as Sirius grabbed his hand and pulled him underneath the cloak. "What are you doing?"
"Ditching those two?" Sirius' tone was questioning rather than a demand. He'd let Remus decide, at the moment it was up to him.
"Hey! We followed you two out here without the cloak. And might I remind you it's my cloak!" James shouted in a whisper, downright scandalized.
ΔΙΑΒΑΖΕΙΣ
Mischief Managed Year Two Part One: The Poisoned Truth
FanfictionRemus was sure he'd have to say goodbye to his friends this year, but oddly it seems they have forgotten about his secret entirely. Or, more likely, they are hatching some sort of plan to uncover it. But with a strange new Professor who seems determ...
