Mischief Managed Year Two Part One: The Poisoned Truth

Chapter Thirty-Two- Hard to Swallow Truths

TWs: Self-Deprecating Thoughts and Statements

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With more pushing from Sirius, as unlikely as that still seemed, Remus found himself walking to the library after the festivities were over. He was sure he was more full than he'd ever been in his life and he'd barely touched ¼ of the dishes, though he'd managed to try a bit of all the desserts.

He hoped Lily had decided to just go to bed after the silly 'get to know your neighbour' questions some of the prefects surprised the hall with, in a joint attempt to get the schools to mingle. He wanted to go to bed himself, completely drained from manoeuvring the cramped chaos in the hall, even with all the tables magically removed.

"Over here, Remus," Lily called gently. He jumped, not expecting to have beaten her there, nor expecting her to be behind him.

"Lily...I...we need to talk," he spluttered, hyper-aware of how high-pitched he sounded.

"Yes, I know," she said softly, sounding as unsure as he felt which made his stomach clench unpleasantly.

"Not here though," he added quickly, having realized that this might be Sirius' latest ploy.

He could all but see his three nosy friends crammed under the invisibility cloak listening in for some tidbit they could use. He felt bad for thinking that way about his mates, but it didn't detract from the possibility it might happen. So with Lily's agreement, they went down to the grounds instead. Remus strained his ears for even the faintest sound of footsteps made by invisible feet. They walked in a silence that normally would have been relaxed between them but simply too much was being left unsaid at the moment for there to be anything but tension from it.

Remus finally realized Lily wasn't going to be the first to say anything. She was, in fact, going to let the monster decide if and when he wanted to talk. He was both grateful for this and deeply annoyed since it just made it even harder to talk to her.

"Lily?" He questioned nervously, after having walked with her on the grounds in silence for as long as he could stand.

"Yes?" She stopped walking. He could feel her eyes on him, waiting.

"I...uh..." Remus didn't want to say it, he didn't want to have this conversation at all. But even without Sirius' insistence, he would have talked to her about it eventually, because he was pretty sure it was more stressful not to know her feelings on the topic. At least he hoped so.

"It's alright, Remus. If you don't want to talk about it you don't have to. Either way is fine by me." She said it so matter of factly, as if it really was that easy. He turned around to face her, never having been quite so angry with her as he was at the moment.

"I don't want to talk about it but I have to, Lily. I don't know what you're going to do about it otherwise!" he explained, sounding stressed when he had meant to sound calm.

"Do?" She looked at him confused, "what do you mean, Remus?"

He inhaled deeply forcing himself to remain calm. His emotions may be growing stronger but that just meant his control had to as well. "Are you going to report me?"

Her momentary alarm turned into tears and Remus took a step back, half expecting her to confess she already had based on her reaction.

"Oh, Remus! How could you suggest such a thing? I mean, I know how you could, but...but it's me. Don't you know I'd never do anything to hurt you?" He nodded, feeling dangerously close to tears now himself. "Then why would you think I would?" she earnestly asked, wanting to understand, to understand him, all of him.