Mischief Managed Year Two Part One: The Poisoned Truth

Chapter Thirty-Eight- A Spy and A Lie

TW: Mentions of Death

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Lily slowly took the stairs back down, thinking about the way Sirius had been looking at Remus. Surely he wouldn't hate his best friend if he found out?

He cared about Remus, but from what Lily had observed in DADA his hate for all dark creatures seemed unnaturally hostile. Like something personal had happened hostile. She and Marlene, who liked to gossip, had tried to piece a picture together from what Alice had learned from Ted Tonks. She now regretted doing so, remembering how upset Sirius had been about people whispering about him behind his back, but it was quite hard not to. Still, she knew that despite everything Sirius was a good person, even if he was a moron. She just had to believe he'd come through for Remus.

Surely James and Peter would, though she figured she best make Peter swear the same thing the other two had. Not that she saw Pettigrew getting cross, but afraid. That might actually hurt Remus more now that she considered it. Then there was James, who she actually probably knew the least about out of the four.

He was usually an annoying toe rag. She tried to habitually block out whatever was said by him or about him. Still, James had been sweet to get her, he had a sort of cute expression when he was so clearly at a loss. The look had been preferable to his typical arrogant one and she was almost impressed by him. Well, perhaps she would have been if the situation hadn't been so upsetting.

Why hadn't Remus cried to her?

Sirius didn't even know all of what was going on, that was still apparent. Maybe that's why Remus had cried to him not her? She felt the tiniest bit of jealousy though she had realized that while what she felt for Remus was fiercely strong it was platonic. And regrettably so, since she was sure he'd make a wonderful boyfriend. A much better one than Black or stupid Potter would anyways. Especially stupid Potter.

Still, if Remus decided to date her she also decided she wouldn't say no, mostly because he could then better use her as an excuse to flee his friends. Besides, she figured if things didn't turn out well between them...well it would be awkward, but her and Remus' friendship had survived plenty of awkwardness. But around the same time, she realized this she also realized that Remus would never ask her out. She knew someone needed to show him he could be loved in a romantic way. But she knew that couldn't be her, because try as she might to conjure up those feelings. Honestly, what was wrong with her? He was wonderful, but she could not.

Still, she'd show him he deserved to be loved platonically with all her little heart. Maybe Lily just didn't like boys. In fact, she questioned the sanity of those who did. Not that she liked girls, but she felt a little foolish as all her friends had 'crushes,' even if it was just some idol or athlete. Then there was her, and she just had two special friendships with two very different boys each dear to her. But she could no more love Remus in the way Marlene seemed oddly but sweetly infatuated with Peter than she could ever love Severus.

She tried having a crush but it didn't work. Then maybe it wasn't entirely fair she didn't refute her friends' suggestions about a crush on Remus as adamantly as she should have, but it was better they thought she was crushing on him than on Severus. She sighed heavily, as she often did when thinking about Severus, and nearly got stepped on by Peter coming up the stairs she had sat down on.

"Ah! Oh, Lily, sorry I didn't see you there!" he gasped, looking earnestly worried he had indeed stepped on her. He was another one Lily couldn't quite understand, at least as far as why he was so devoted to Sirius and James who she'd witnessed be just dreadful to him in the past.