Shawn
Third thing I needed to get crossed of my list was to find the real Shawn Price, that I know for sure is going to take a while to accomplish . I can’t hide from myself anymore, it’s time I be real and fully open up about myself because I can’t run from my past it’ll always be there and it’ll only continue to haunt me if I’ll let it . Talking about this is really hard for me because it’s not something you would usually tell people, but at the end of the day I don’t care what anybody has to say about me I already been through it all the only persons approval I want is my mother’s . Something I’ve been craving forever and slowly starting to gain is her love for me, she’s the only person I’ve told about what I’ve been through . But it was entirely too difficult for me to tell her, it proved to me that I’m still being victimized by it . I’m tired of being held back and I’m tired of keeping this inside, I’ve been held back by this long enough and I’m tired of it . I just want to feel free, I want to be able to look into the mirror and like what I see .
I find it sad how the only person I needed to get me through my day means nothing to me now, he was suppose to be somebody that kept my best interest at heart and care for me . But he left me out in the cold to fend for myself, that’s the only thing he did right for me but his approach was all wrong . He was just like the rest of them, I thought he was better than them but he treated me all the same . Having the title of a Friend doesn’t give you the right to judge me as if you were a stranger, I thought he knew better than that . Changing my lifestyle wasn’t what he should’ve been doing, his ass should have fixed his fucked up attitude with me . Maybe if he showed a little compassion towards me he would be here today, but I don’t want anything to do with him . It’s best that we just never speak again, I’m doing entirely much better without him .
“Close your eyes and tell me what you see from that day .”
Scrunching my knees to my face I grabbed onto my ankles and closed my eyes “I see this little girl, she wants attention but no one gives it to her . One day she gets it but it’s nothing she imagines, she only goes along with it because it was all she could get .”
“Good Shawn, what does that little girl do ?”
Continuing to close my eyes I further explained “The little girl was with someone who she thought she could trust, but he lead her on to a trap of lifetime tears and hatred for herself .”
“What did this boy do to you ?”
Before I said something I could hear her writing down notes on her paper, I though going here would be a good idea but I can’t do this I don’t know this bitch and she don’t know me . This was my first and last time I try professional help .
“Touched me, his voice told me that everything was okay . I believed him, family isn’t suppose to hurt you but10 minutes of that turned into years of lies .”
“If you don’t mind me asking, how did the boy touch you and how did you feel at first ?”
My voice began to tremble as I tried to express what was on my mind, closing my eyes wasn’t easy for me because I could remember everything so easily . The vividness of the memory was so clear it only made it harder for me to speak up .
