My Love Proses

Prose 1: Reeling Rapture

We were happy, aren't we?

This is not a missive, neither a sad diatribe nor a lost irregular ode. This is not a poetry, of how metaphors speak for endless postulation and possession just to be understood. This is not a prose, a tantalizing prose that aimed to connect the lines which were once broken by time. This is not a litany, where words carry the streaming tears and hopeful sobs wishing for nothing but to erase the indelible agony. This is not an essay which seeks to touch the hearts of voiceless souls and skeptical beggars. This is not a blithe phrase that creates pavement of real justice between women and gays. This is not an interrogation, of how an aching person longs to obtain the feeling of compensation in friendship and satisfaction in personal career.

This is a eulogy for the man I loved who remained alive from the inside of my mind. This is my preposterous expedition with the person who taught me how to voyage in life despite the severe cruelties we have been facing for a long time. This is my silly letter to the person who gave me the beautiful essence of adventures even when along the middle of journey, muddy boulevards and dingy railroads were ten times evident than what we expected. This is my melancholic drama to the man who never gave up yet has given up his life before I do. This is my longing masterpiece to the man who gave me the accurate description of －until death do us part.

The moments inculcated was never obscure. The day I reminisced our wonderful beginning was almost beyond my definition of happily ever after. The memory seems so clear when our lives created crossroads and we started to walk into the path where we both know we might collide. Admittedly, we did. Although, it somehow felt so awful, eccentric and unfamiliar, yet we still chose to be acquainted with each other and turned everything into a sweet familiarity as if we were good friends a long time ago.

I can still remember how you offer a coffee invitation and I never resisted. We both sat in the cozy dining hall, conversing our childhood memories, exchanging boorish questions from a slum book, laughing like fools because of late meal arrival and staring with each other for no reason as if everything seems forever. When mellifluous music dazes around us, you softly pat my arm and asked me to dance. Again, I never resisted not because I want to, but simply because you momentarily became irresistible to my senses.

Even when I do not know how to dance, you still chose to teach me in the dance floor and swayed with my foolishness all along. This is the moment when I almost renamed it as the best night of my entire life. This is the moment when I wished to cease the clock from ticking and stop the world from spinning around. This is the most precious moment when I dreamed to just hold the spotlight and never let go the man who held me in hand. This is the night when I thought everything will continue to last. However, it never did.

Despite the massive rainfall, you rode me to home and bid goodbye as soon as I stepped out from your car. The coruscating stars outside from my window never let me sleep. I stayed awake until midnight, glancing at the starry horizon while waiting for your response in my message. Beaming brightly like the moon, I also beamed the moment you text me back good night as well. The rate of my rapture and felicity never flew away from my heart, thus, butterflies created rays of rainbow inside my stomach. Everything felt like a happy ending even when nothing has been started. I astrayed in bed with a glorious smile on my face.

Happiness is a home for weak people. It is one the most popular philosophies that I have heard from countless people. However, when he came into my structural dimension in life, accumulating happiness and joy transformed into routines, it satisfied me at all cost. He was my solace, my refuge and my home when no one else ever did it for me. We had a progressive relationship, thus, from friends, we sooner became close friends. We shared and solved the same predicaments. We supported our own achievements and fulfillment. We both strove in studies and ended up ultimately grateful with each other when we surpassed it. We seized failures, challenges and problems yet as we indulged with spiritual harmony, we managed to turn our weaknesses into strengths.