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Dear Jaden,
It's been six months. Six fucking months that I've been waiting for a text back. It didn't have to be anything extreme or extravagant, you could text me a period or a fucking emoji for all I care. I just want a text back. I've sent 736 texts, yup I counted because I was so desperate and wanted to make sure I sent enough to warrant a reply. But nothing, you've given me nothing. I've texted you about everything imaginable, I've said love you every morning and every night, told you about my day and asked about yours, and even gave you updates about how the rest of sway has been doing. But you couldn't be bothered to say hi back, or tell me to fuck off, or even tell me that you were ok. I wanna hate you, I wanna resent you and tell you how angry I am, but I can't. I can't because I love you so fucking much and all I want is for you to be ok, and for you to just reply.
I thought that maybe if I sent a letter, maybe if I wrote everything down on something tangible, something for you to hold and physically be reminded that it was there, then maybe you would respond. How long am I going to have to wait? Another month? Another year? I don't think I'm asking for much, just a simple reply. You left me, left me all alone in such a horrible and unforgiving world and you had given me a letter. So I thought it was my turn to return the favor. Your letter was all about how sorry you were, and mine, well mines about how I forgive you.
I forgive you, Jaden. I really do, I forgive you for what you put me through, for what you put all of us through and I want you to know that it's ok, I forgive you. All I ask is for a response, a text, a letter, it doesn't matter, just anything, please! I know you haven't even opened my texts because it still just says delivered and none of my actual texts say "read".
I hope you'll take the time to read this letter, I really need you to read this, please. I'm falling apart and I need you here to put me back together. Or just hold me so I don't fall apart more.
I love you so so so much and hope you'll reply.
-Anthony <3
Teardrops splattered onto the paper as he tucked it into the envelope, placing a final kiss on it before sealing it shut. He took the black pen he had written it out in and wrote Jaden's full name on the back, wanting everyone who may come into contact with it that it was for him and him only. Anthony stood up, legs wobbly and jello-like as he had been sitting for almost two hours. He scrapped four copies of the letter, as every time he wrote it he would start crying so uncontrollably that the ink would smudge to the point it was illegible.
Anthony made his way out of his bedroom where he had spent most of the last six months, and walked down the hall, being greeted by the stares of his fellow friends. He slipped his shoes on in a shaky manner and grabbed his keys off the counter.
"Anthony? Where are you going bud?" Griffin said in a soft tone, standing up and walking towards his friend and holding his hand still to keep it from trembling.
"I'm going out, I have to give this letter to Jaden. He hasn't been replying to my texts and I thought if I gave him a letter he might respond this time," he was shaking as he said it, eyes brimming with tears once again.
"Anthony, he won't reply, you know that right?" Griffin said calmly, trying to keep that same soft tone that he would use with a child.
"You don't know that!" Anthony suddenly shouted, ripping his arms out of Griffin's grasp and storming out the front door, slamming it behind him. Griffin let out a sigh, not knowing what else he was supposed to do.
"It's unhealthy, he needs to let go, we can't let him keep doing this," Josh said softly, turning to face Bryce who nodded his head in agreement.
"But we can't break him like that, you know what that'll do to him? What if we logged into Jaden's snap chat and texted back or something, something to keep him from going insane," Griffin said with tears brimming his eyes. He knew it would be almost fucked up to text from Jaden's phone to keep Anthony sane, but somehow he wasn't able to accept the fact that he was gone, Jaden was gone. He had been gone for six months, but Anthony was dead set on the idea that he was just "hiding" or that he had "run-off".
It took hours of convincing to get him to go to the funeral, he was convinced that it wasn't Jaden's body, that he was still alive and well.
Anthony took the keys out of the ignition of the car and stepped out, taking a deep breath as he walked through the door of the cemetery. He walked the same familiar path that he had been down to many times. He settled on his knees before the polished stone that he had been keeping clean for the past six months. In front of it was a fresh bouquet of flowers that Anthony had been replacing every week. And besides, that, was 10 letters, all in the same white envelope with Jaden's name on it in a different color each time.
"Please... I need you to respond this time," Anthony cried, wiping the tears off of his face as he set the letter down along with the rest. Griffin had been coming each week to see the collection of letters, placing them in laminated pouches to keep them from getting ruined by water.
Jaden stood behind him, but of course, he couldn't see or hear him. He was slightly transparent and still wearing the same blood-stained white shirt he was in when he killed himself. He stepped forward, placing a gentle hand on Anthony's face, stroking it slightly.
"Jaden!" Anthony exclaimed, turning around quickly in hopes of seeing him standing there, arms open and ready to hug him tight and never let go. But no, there was nothing behind him.
He was gone.
__-
welp that was kind of assssssssssssss
i think Wattpad hates me low-key because last chapter flopped 🤩
and because it messed my notification up bad bad bad
