Dad's Diary

Chapter 21

Friday 9th August 1963

Today… it’s awful… just why?! Jackie doesn’t deserve this… Patrick, he should have lived. He should have got to experience his life…. Jackie and I were so looking forward to this…. I’m a lousy husband, first Arabella, now Patrick. Just why are we being punished…. Life is shit.

Jack sat holding Patrick in his arms; it was just after 4am. He couldn’t believe this was happening. “Mr. President.” A nurse said hoarsely. “He’s gone.”

Jack took a deep breath and stroked his son’s head. He looked up at the nurse. “He was a beautiful baby; he put up a good fight.” He whispered.

Bobby was waiting at the door; he knew how hard this was for Jack. Jack handed his son to the nurse and made his way out of the room. He looked lost. Bobby put his arm round his brother. “You okay?”

Jack nodded and continued up to the room. After sending Dave to phone Ted, he broke down on his knees and began to cry.

A few hours later when he arrived at Jackie’s side, he was in a trance. “Mr. President, my condolences.” Clint said.

Jack nodded and muffled a reply. “How is Jackie?”

Clint was stunned he didn’t call her Mrs. Kennedy like he normally did with the agents. “She slept for a few hours from 4am onwards and then Dr. Walsh told her the news this morning.”

Jack didn’t look Clint in the eye; he nodded and opened the door. “Jack?” Jackie’s breathy voice asked, obvious she had been crying.

Jack took a deep breath and sat down on the bed beside her. “Kid,” His voice was no more than a whisper. His hand slipped into her other, while Jackie’s free hand gently stroked his cheek.

“He was a beautiful baby,” Jack said. “He put up a good fight.” He whispered before tears flooded into his eyes.

Jackie began to cry too. Her husband buried his head into her shoulder and sobbed openly. She hid her head in his shoulder as they both cried. Jackie rubbed Jack’s back trying to bring him comfort but she’d never seen him like this. “Bunny,” She whispered lifting her head up.

Jack looked deep into her brown eyes. He looked lost. “Yes?”

“There’s one thing I couldn’t bear and that’s if I lost you.” She said squeezing his hands.

He nodded. “I know, I know.”

Jackie wrapped her arms around him tightly, his tears soaking her nightie. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Jack said through muffled sobs.

She wiped his eyes, it wasn’t often she was the strong one. She held him close. “It’s okay, let it out. No one will know.”

They both chuckled slightly at that but both were filled with sadness, everyone could see it in their eyes.

I don’t know how Jackie did it…. She miscarried and lost Arabella without me, I wasn’t there to support her and today…. I needed her and she was there… I’m such a stupid husband…. I don’t deserve her. I need to help her through this. I will change.