when all is said and done | e.d.

fifty-three

harper

i nervously swipe mascara on my eyelashes and take a deep breath in the mirror.

i just have to get through this holiday, and then sometime this next week i can break things off with him.

my phone buzzes, and i look down at the message.

ethan dolan: i'm here. your door was unlocked, so i just came in. don't be alarmed.

smiling at the message a little, i look back up in my bathroom mirror and stare at the beautiful short, red silk dress that i've vowed to only wear on valentine's day.

last year i put it on and cried.

then i proceeded to eat a lot of ice cream in my pajamas. and then i got a stomachache.

i almost laugh at the memory and reach up to nervously tug on the necklace with a rose pendant on it. it matched the dress, so i gave in and clasped it around my neck.

"ruby!" i hear ethan yell from the other room. her cute little footsteps match his excitement levels.

slightly giggling, i grab my small clutch purse from my bed and examine my outfit once again.

i don't say this very often— but i look good.

the extra boost of confidence makes me strut out into the hallway.

and then i see ethan look up at me.

and suddenly i'm a blushing idiot.

"h-hi," i stutter, feeling small again. but in a good way, not in a toxic way. more as in i want to curl up and hide away because of how deeply he's staring at me. up and down, up and down.

his eyes are glazed over as they fixate on mine finally. "hey."

i close my throat, looking down at my shoes and cursing myself for not being as confident as i felt in my mirror.

"you look—"

"bad?" i question nervously, meeting his eyes again.

he quickly shakes his head. "no. not at all. you look very... red," he finishes, gulping a little.

this makes me laugh. "red?"

he takes a couple steps closer to me, and points down at my dress, then my lips, then my necklace. "yeah. red."

"i've never worn red lipstick. is it smudging?" i ask, suddenly searching for a mirror on my walls.

"no. it's perfect."

my face could be as red as my dress.

"thank you."

he nods. something in his eyes still isn't all normal, which makes me feel a pang if guilt.

he heard that conversation. i can't believe myself.

"well, i guess i should be going," i say, holding the small clutch tightly to my waist. "ruby's information stuff is on the counter. i'll venmo you, okay?"

"this isn't my first time dog-sitting."

"yeah," i smile. "but last time i was technically with you the whole time. remember that?"

he nods. "i do. he stood you up. remember that?"

i look down, embarrassed. "he didn't mean to."

why am i defending thomas? i shouldn't be.

ethan simply replies with, "he still did."

"goodbye, ethan," i softly, walking to the foyer for my coat.

"don't get cold."

"what?"

"when he forgets you again. don't get cold outside. on the benches."

i roll my eyes, suddenly feeling a wave of anger and annoyance wash over me. "you know what, ethan—" and then i remember what i said about him. that shuts me up. i deserved that low blow.

"i'm just saying," he says in a low voice. his eyes pour into mine. "someone who deserves you wouldn't do that."

i shake my head. "i don't want to have this conversation right now."

"then let's not have it."

"your best idea all night," i grumble, checking my phone to see if thomas is here yet.

i spot his car and rush out the door before he can fully make it up to my house. i don't want him to see that ethan is here. i kind of told him ruby would be at his apartment.

"hey," i rush out with a fake smile, reaching to give him a small kiss. "ready?"

he looks over me once, then grins. "very ready."

i slide into the front seat of his car, and silently ask for the aux. he nods and i plug it into my phone.

my face ignites into the biggest smile when the first song that shuffles on my playlist is when all is said and done.

"ew," thomas wrinkles his nose. "ABBA? they're horribly overrated. can we listen to something else."

i'm shocked for a moment, and he glances to me again expectantly. "uh- yeah," i type on my phone. "we can. it's just my favorite song."

"why?"

the fortune cookie, that's why.

"no reason," i shrug. "i just like it. what do you want me to play?"

he thinks for a moment, then says, "play some madonna. i always liked her music."

i wrinkle my nose, but search for it anyway.

ethan wouldn't listen to madonna.
he would let me listen to my music— which is also his music, conveniently enough.

but, i listen to his horrible 90s songs the entire ride to the restaurant. we sit down in our reserved spot in probably the fanciest restaurant i've ever been in.

"wow," i whisper and lean across the table. "i feel like  i should've worn like— diamonds or something."

"you look amazing," he laughs. "stop overthinking this. have you looked at the menu yet?"

i shake my head and let my eyes scan over the many options of steak, chicken, pasta, and salads.

they all look so amazing, but you know...vegetarian.

i tell thomas i'm going to order the vegan caesar pasta salad, and he tells me that the prime rib caught his eye.

the lights are dim and romantic, and the restaurant is filled with couples just like us.

except the only difference is that the rest of the couples are happy.

and i guess thomas is, but i'm not.

my mind lingers on ethan for a moment before the waitress comes over and takes our order. thomas seems tongue-twisted the entire time, so i give him a funny look.

he simply replies with a wink.

as soon as the waitress turns away, thomas leans across the table to whisper something to me.

something that makes me freeze in place.

"i have something to tell you."