when all is said and done | e.d.

twenty-six

harper

on christmas eve, right before dinner, my aunt's kids open a couple of their gifts just to hold them over until the next morning.

i used to participate in the tradition, but now i feel too old to. so instead, i sit and watch with a smile and a mug of hot chocolate as addison freaks out over the vans apparel and shoes.

"do you like them? are they the right size?" i ask.

the thirteen year old's face is bright and happy as she nods her head vigorously and already starts to slip them on. my aunt chuckles beside me, and rubs my back for a second before letting her hand drop back down.

my parents love having me home.

the amount of enthusiasm they show whenever i step through the door is insane, and almost borderline unbearable.

i haven't heard from ethan since yesterday, and it makes me happy that he's probably spending time with family. i know he doesn't get to see them that much.

samantha texted me this morning, saying that thomas was happy to hear that i was interested and will probably text me when the holidays are over.

i'm not holding my breath, really.

"harper, could you help me with the ham?" my mom calls to me from the kitchen.

i get up from my spot on the couch and watch as she pulls a steaming ham from the oven. she knows i'm vegetarian, and made me a gourmet salad all to myself in place of the meat.

but i'll still help her marinate it, anyway.

"so uh, how's ethan?" she asks conversationally, beginning to spread the marinade. "still with him?"

i wasn't expecting any questions about ethan, so i scramble to answer. "y-yeah. we're still... together."

the words feel stiff and awkward coming from my mouth, and it's a shock that she's actually believed me this entire time.

"you two have the greatest chemistry," she says with a smile in her voice. "you're like, polar opposites."

"not really," i say. "ethan and i are more alike than we let on, i guess. but you think we have chemistry?"

she gives me a look that indicates it's obvious. "well. duh. you wouldn't be dating if you didn't, i hope. he's a nice boy."

"yeah," i find myself deep in thought, staring at the granite countertops. "very nice."

"and so handsome! you've always been downright stunning harper, but he's one hell of a guy to pull," she snorts, shaking her head.

i think of ethan's eyes and lips, and how i think they're my favorite part about him. his skin is so soft and always flushed with color.

before i can think about him any longer, i switch the subject onto my mom's book club.

before long, my dad pops into the kitchen wearing the hideous christmas sweater that's made an appearance every year since i was a baby. it's faded and worn now, but the grin on his face as he shows it off is as clear as day.

while my aunt and mom finish up the very last of dinner, i sit with the kids and listen to my dad read the night before christmas by the tree.

addison sits behind me, braiding the ends of my hair, and the two baby twins, jamie and max, fight over who gets to sit on what side of me.

for the first christmas in awhile, i feel completely at ease.

it's nice to not be thinking about anything outside of my warm childhood home filled with people i love.

at dinner, everyone asks me questions about my personal life, and it dawns on me how refreshing it is. i may not have the most exciting life, but it beats getting pelted with questions about work.

ethan is notorious for giving me the 'workaholic' title, which—

no. stop thinking about ethan. why am i thinking about him?

his name runs in circles through my brain as i do the dishes at around 7, and clean up the rest of the house at 8.

right as i think he's escaped my mind, my phone rings.

my heart stops when i read his name on the caller id and i quickly rush into my childhood bedroom before clicking to answer it.

"h-hey," i say as soon as i out the phone to my ear. "what's up?"

"i just wanted to say merry christmas."

"it's not even christmas yet," i laugh out, starting to walk the length of my room.

"i know, but i wanted to be the first one to tell you."

"congrats. you were. isn't it late where you are?"

i think chicago time is 3 hours behind the east coast, which would mean it's 11 o' clock for him.

"a little," he responds, and i hear a slight muffling noise, which makes me think he's laying down and switching positions.

"how's your family? i didn't know you had a sister."

he chuckles quietly. "yeah, her name is cameron. hands down the funniest person i know."

"i'm going to pretend i'm not offended," i say jokingly.

"you know i think you're funny, don't try to twist my words."

i laugh. "sorry."

"how's your day been? if i'm being honest, i didn't call to say merry christmas. i called because i know the holidays are stressful for you."

aw. that's nice.

"it been actually... pretty good," i feel myself start to smile. "we made cookies today! i baked them, and my little cousins decorated them."

"did you eat them? were they good?"

"a little crunchy, but i'm a businesswoman, not a baker," i reply.

he laughs a little and asks, "what other good things came out of today?"

"my dad's ugly christmas sweater, my mom making me my own special salad—"

"wait," he interrupts. "did addison and the twins like their gifts?"

"loved them."

"good," i hear, then a yawn.

"are you tired?" i ask.

"no," he replies, but i can tell he's lying.

"go to bed, ethan. merry christmas."

"merry christmas, harper."