౨ৎ in which aliya levine enters her third year of surgical residency with overbearing parents, an ex who left her heartbroken, a green eyed rich boy, a chaotic best friend and a pair of twisted sisters.
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chapter thirty four━song beneath the song season seven, episode eighteen
❝ it was the worst decision i've ever made. ❞
⠀ ⠀ ⠀
Throughout Aliya's twenty nine years on this Earth, she had been told countless of times she was never enough. So much, in fact, that she sometimes heard the voice in her head when she closed her eyes, as it soothed her to sleep with words of hatred and spite.
It was a possibility that everyone has been told that at least once in their lives, which was a tragedy in itself. Maybe it came from a quick insult from a manager, an ex-partner, it could've been anyone. But the general sentiment was that sometimes people thought it was okay to reduce a person down to insignificance. And that was something a person couldn't let go of.
Aliya had grown up feeling that way, and that pain was inescapable. No matter how hard she tried. The voice in her mind felt like a broken record that just kept rotating on the turntable, spouting out nonsense that no one should ever hear. But she did. Daily, she heard that.
Some days she felt better. Certain people could make those familiar thoughts vanish, but there was no cure for the memories, even when she was drunk they were still there, tormenting her in her tequila haze.
It hurt even more when those statements of hate came from the people who were meant to love you, who brought you into this world.
Because, that voice in the back of Aliya's head, telling her day after day that she wasn't enough, was her own mother.
And that was something a person couldn't grow out of. It doesn't get better with age. It never gets better.
It gets worse.
"Aliya." Kelly spoke softly, after witnessing Aliya stare into space, her eyes wide for the past five minutes, she couldn't exactly yell at the poor girl to snap out of it.
"When will it stop?" Aliya's jaw hardened. "I'm just so sick and tired of feeling this—" She clutched at her chest, even breathing hurt at this point. Her head dropped into her hands in defeat, her fingertips cradling her temples, tangling into her hair.
"For what it's worth, Aliya," Kelly leaned forward in her chair, reaching for the jug of water and pouring Aliya a glass. "Over these past few months I've known you, I can see that you're strong."
"I've been living my entire life like this— with this weight on my shoulders that I can't seem to shift." She picked up the water, taking a sip. "I'm just too tired of all this."
