THIS IS NOT THE END!

Guilt

It was past 9 at night, we were preparing our dinner. Tej had finally agreed to try chicken for the first time in his entire life. Well, he is Brahmin and never had nonveg food or not even tried egg. It was indeed a big day for him and finally for me as I have been craving for it for months.

Tej was still wearing his face mask and chanting all mantras he could remember. Having nonveg was something that he always considered a sin to commit. I could hear him say

"Hare ram hare ram, ram hare hare"

I enjoyed his  fear which he never had even during massive operations.

Finally, the food was ready. It was butter chicken with tandoori roti which my mum used to make when my results were to be announced.

I served it on our plates and we got a call. Tej wanted some reason to delay him from having his guilty pleasure of consuming some animal meat inside him.

"yes, yes yes", were his only words

" We are coming, just take care of the situation", he hunged up the call.

Tej had a puzzled look right now and too many thoughts going on his head, he started murmuring within himself.

The next moment he finally broke the silence and says, "We have to reach hospital right now, thete's an emergency", He wanted to continue further but I realized that would only waste our couple of time.
As I was getting ready he called the other patient Emma to check on her.

Well, she was in good health. we took a short relief to breathe.

Tej took his bike's key and drow it as fast as he could. Soon we reached and ran to the O.T room.

Our coats were on. Our operating instruments were all set up and we started what we could do best to bring her back into her consciousness.

Her tumor deteriorated. Tej recalled all the techniques he 'd been researching, but a few minutes later her lines on the monitor showed that her journey was over. She didn't survive and we failed to bring her life.

I have never seen anyone dying while I am operating them. This was my very first failed operation and the worst one.
The guilt that I could recollect is why we wasted our one day.

"We could have started the treatment yesterday and she could have been alive here with us ", I went into a minor shock.

Somehow, Tej seemed to be used to seeing people die and he acted so hard and so strongly. He finally went to her family which included a man who was probably her husband and a little child who appeared to be 6 to 7 years old. They couldn't control both. They have lost the only person that they loved. They could see no answer to their prayers and how they would not have that person involved in their life anymore. How their morning would not start with her and how their pillow fights and videotapes will not be judged by her.

I couldn't control my tears either. I went weak and wanted to apologize to them for not being able to save their love. I went to that kid and hugged him.

"Why did God did this to me? Who will now shout at me when I paint the walls with my pens? Why did she go? I love her...Doctor uncle, I said every day that I loved her then how can she leave us?", He cried.

His dad has lost his expressions. He had nothing to say. He didn't even yell at us. He took a long pause and said to his child, "Aarav we have to decorate mumma's room and call everyone for funeral and you are a strong boy, remember we have our videotapes, we can watch it and feel her with us", He calmly said.

He was broken into pieces but it seemed like he had no choice than accepting and making the future better basically better for aarav.

Tej took me to have some coffee. It was around 5 in the morning. I spoke to him how terrified I feel and the guilt of not treating her on time. My hands were shivering, eyes were having unclear vision that meant I could faint any moment. Tej tried his best to comfort me. He even agreed to cook dinner tonight. Nothing felt funny but I started feeling better now.

We sipped our coffee and went to grab our stuff so that we could go home and take a hot shower to relax.

Two similar faces started approaching us in the corridor of the hospital and soon we came to know she was another patient Emma and her cousin. They seemed to frighten by the scenario of Kirti's dead body been taken and her husband and kid's tears filled eyes made them feel weaker.

They came to us and started asking what has happened last night but all their words sounded so gibberish as they were not able to put words together.

For a fact I knew I have to give my best efforts in Emma's treatment and not to delay as it unwillingly happened in Kirti's.Tej and I spoke to the nurses to take them to rooms and take care of everything they require till that time we would take our shower and be back to start her treatment as scheduled.

Emma's who had wavy black brown toned hair, fair Indian skin, beautiful small perfectly curved face with those brown shiny strong personality depicting eye with a pang of guilt on her face wanted to speak something from her sweet dolphin lips but had so many thoughts running in head that she just quietly shook her head which I guess meant,
"Don't let me die, I want to live",

I wanted to talk to her that I won't let this happen again with another patient but I just wanted to give her some space to let things settle in her head.

Tej on our way home talked about Emma's strange expressions when she saw Kirti's dead body and I agreed with him. "I know she is just too afraid at this point", I responded to Tej's concern.

Our shower was so quick and we were so hungry and late that we ate last night's butter chicken without warming it. Tej Sharma for the very first time didn't think of what we were consuming.
I was giving a small cunning laugh.

"Dil khush kar dita Aavir bhaijaan,kya hi kahe apko",

Tej reacted and was now ready to let me cook chicken whenever I want to.
I laughed.

We reached the hospital on time and went straight to the room where Emma and her cousin were waiting. Emma still had that look that Tej and I discussed way back on the bike.

Isha said she had some work to finish so she would pick Emma later and she left. Emma was a strong girl indeed but she was failing in maintaining her powerful look.

Tej with his calm and confident voice asked Emma to make her feel comfortable on the hospital bed. we started with intravenous therapy and made her feel relaxed for a few minutes.

Tej was looking after other patients too so I waited reading research journals till she comes into her consciousness.

  

SO ARE YOU ALL ENJOYING IT?

THANK YOU SO MUCH

NEXT PART TOMORROW!