THIS IS NOT THE END!

JOURNEY BEGINS

      We were to reach nana's place that I remembered how we always used to buy gifts and sweets for them whenever we visited. I always thought of such gestures as a new celebration and wanted that to be the same always even though not a good time to celebrate but what good is in spoiling the fun.
      
Its been a long time I have not seen them so I was excited to meet them as I was always pampered like a kid but now I would the queen.
     
  To be honest, I was crying like so loud inside but it's no use continuing the pain as I have to take it and accept it.
   
     After lots of traveling, we arrived. Nana's house is on the roadside of the highway and has always been a place witnessing accidents on a monthly basis. A giant three-floored house with a creamy texture and a large lawn.

    I could see everyone rushing on the door to welcome me as always with thalli and kumkum and a glass of water with a towel to wash my feet. This tradition has always been carried out whenever guests arrive.
  
sometimes I think, " Atithi Devo Bhava", has so much importance in our culture.

    We went inside, my luggage was taken to my room. I could see sympathetic look on everyone's face, I tried to act strong. As always I went to sit in my Nani's lap and curl up like a little baby. I heard everyone singing a BIRTHDAY SONG FOR ME!
   
I was stunned!

I was trying to not let them know. I heard my mum's slight voice on the call, "Make Mava cake for her, she likes it".

  I knew she wanted to make my birthday celebrated as it has always been.
   Birthdays for me have always been a special part. I remember how I used to not talk to people for months when my birthdays were not made as  I expect it to be.
    
I cried!

Memories flushed in. I wanted to just lock myself and cry forever. I started shivering, my feet felt dead, I was on the verge to get anxiety attacks. I had nothing to say, just a thank you.
   
I took a deep breath and gave a cheerful but awkward smile(well I tried not to make it awkward)

I offered them to help, also I was craving chocolate cake. I tried making jokes and shared how once I made tea and added salt instead of sugar. They laughed!
  
Everyone kept talking to me so that I am not alone. Nani used to cry most of the time just by looking at me. She used to keep taunting nana to bring all my favorites.

  All the attention I received showed me how fewer days I've left. They were all bad at comforting me. I used to pretend most of the time, to make them think that I felt fine.

We had dinner and told them to let me be alone at night and promised I will be safe and just want a good night's sleep.

   
First haunted night!

  No dreams scared me except my feelings.

I could feel something, a few vibrations running from one toe to another. There have been so many places I wanted to explore, all sorts of food I ever wished to eat, how desperately I wanted to meet the love of my life and get married, actually, well destination wedding!I remembered how I planned to start a family, have two little toddlers. Be their best mate. Gossip about lovers and their crushes. All was fragmented.

    
I thought I am dead already! I could see my body burning in some logs of woods, my diaries and everything I had got locked up somewhere

I sighed!

Usually, I used to google people I meet, Be it meetings or guys from shaadi.com.But for the first time I was not comfortable.
I was too very frightened to start routines and treatment. I wanted to turn into an introvert or a  deaf person.
  
That big empty room felt like it would engulf the whole of me. I ran to my cousin Isha and hugged her tight.

  I confessed how petrified I was.

She turned into my angel. She gathered some bedspreads and we went to the terrace roof. We silently gazed at all the stars that kept shimmering. Her fingers running all over my forehead and her funny stories of how she turned her love marriage into arrange marriage.

On the terrace, we had an old cooking stove. She had cooked maggie masala. The wind these villages have is amazing. We have been awake all night, then when I realized that she's such a chatterbox. She started describing the man she was getting married she was so enthusiastic.

I foolishly wished to see a star fall that I could wish an extension of my life to enjoy these few moments of marrying someone.I was able to face this beast somewhere and fight it.

We slept. I waited all night to witness a star to fall but was too tired by the journey that I ended up having a panda sleep.

Thank you so much for your love
       Check the next part tomorrow!