Lacuna - Kim seok jin
Lacuna- (n.): a missing part, a blank space left from something.
I was staring out of the window. I couldn't feel anything. Nothing made me want to feel an emotion, I felt so empty, So lost. As I closed my eyes and felt the cool breeze, I only saw a single person. He was the only thing that mattered to me, I don't even know how I'm living right now, feeling a void in my heart. I sighed and opened my eyes to see the red sun, slowly being consumed, bringing the beautiful nighttime out.
It felt so weird, knowing that drifting apart could hurt so much, It's all so strange, the feeling of missing someone who you know probably wouldn't miss you, but that's what love is right? Love is liking someone unconditionally, and having the ability to anything and everything for them without expecting anything back, just having them in your life is like a blessing that you're afraid to push them away. But I took a risk, the risk of confessing to a person, unsure of everything, I risked my heart, I promised to give my everything, but, for jin, it was so much to take that he has been avoiding me for weeks now.
I knew he needed space after hearing something like that, but how long? I knew there wouldn't be any use to try and contact him, and I was afraid of being clingy. I didnt want to annoy him, I just, it felt so complicated that I had started to have second thoughts. It would've been okay if he rejected me and talked to me, but he didnt do that at all. Instead, he just went out of contact, it was like he disappeared, the person who called you 4-5 times a day and sent a thousand texts now sent no messages. The way I looked at my phone hopefully, waiting for him to text me, at least reject me, rejection wouldn't have hurt as much as silence, something was definitely better than nothing.
I sighed as I went to my bedroom while taking a bottle of wine and a glass from my pantry, I popped it open and filled my glass and sat on the bed, slowly sipping my worries away with the dark and bitter liquid, hoping to fall asleep before I actually fall apart. I spilt some on my shirt accidentally, making a bright red patch on the baby pink fabric. I sighed to myself and got up to open my closet, as I walked in, I opened my pj's drawer and grabbed a new pair of soft fleece tank. After putting it on, my eyes caught something I wished they didnt.
The dark unlit closet was filled with my stuff to the brim, an open drawer that I had left like that catches my eye, I slowly opened it fully and picked up a framed photo.
It was a photo of me and jin, taken in 2009, I and he was very young, the shy girl standing beside an equally shy boy, whose black hair was the most luscious she had ever seen, the boy was full of the charm of a young and handsome guy, the faint blush on his cheek while holding onto the girl's hand, looking at the camera, embarrassed at the forcible shoot his parents were having. I didn't know back then, but I was the luckiest girl to have him protect me and take care of me through my school life. Remembering the teasing of my aunt, calling him my future husband while we were taking the photo made us blush like crazy.
A fresh hot tear fell out of my right eye, being reminded of the happiest days of my life, soon I found another one, in this, both me and jin were beside each other, as comfortable as we could be with each other, smiling at the camera widely, showing our teeth while kook tried so hard to interrupt the photo. With the frame in my hand, I sat back down on the bed and poured myself another glass of wine and gulped it down quickly, I was half crying and half laughing, I blamed myself for ruining it, I blamed myself for not keeping that happiness and the comfort intact. The smile he gave was one of the most genuine ones in the photo, we were so happy, and I had to be the one to ruin it. The third glass was finished and I was halfway done with my fourth one. I touched his face, it looked so beautiful in the frame, slowly sobbing, the glasses of wine disappeared quickly, I don't even know how but I managed to finish a bottle.
My stomach was hurting, showing signs of alcohol poisoning, but I got up and clumsily walked to get another bottle and gulped it continuously. I accidentally ended up pouring it on my body but I was too lazy to change. I kept looking at the photo as my vision was blurred with more unwelcome tears. I couldn't take it anymore and started sobbing as loud as I could, hoping that screaming would make it a little better, I was not able to bare the pain anymore.
" Y/n- W-what happened?" suddenly a voice which I hadn't heard in a long time said, I looked up to see jin, whose face was confused and hurt. I realized that he let himself in, I forgot that he knew my password. I slapped myself mentally as his gaze shifted to the photo frames. His expression turned from one of confusion to guilt in a second.
" Y-y/n w-why?" he stuttered, the confident guy was so vulnerable, I'd never seen him this hurt.
" I- " nothing came out.
" H-how did you drink two bottles by yourself?" he sat down beside me as he held me tightly in his arms slowly wiping my tears. He calmed me down slowly and started speaking out of nowhere.
" I'm sorry y/n, I don't even know why I acted like that, I was in love with you, and just after I gave up, you confessed, I-, I didn't know what to do, but I- I think I know now." he said slowly turning my face toward him.
" W-what?" I asked unsure kf what he meant, he smiled an wiped tears of his own and pressed his lips onto mine, and slowly cried into the kiss.
" Let's be happy y/n" he said, filling the void in my heart.
