The Depths of me
I looked into the mirror, and all I saw was a waste of space, and unworthy, toxic, selfish, bitchy slut. I felt useless, and I hated myself, I hated myself to the point where I couldn't stand the sight of myself. I was trying to be confident, and happy with myself, but I just can't, no one ever gives me a chance. All they do is trample me over and over again and make me hate myself more. Every time I think I am not capable of hating myself more, I prove myself wrong by deepening it, I prove myself wrong by hurting myself more, Just when I think I'm okay, People come running to hurt me, I try to be the person they want me to be, but they're never satisfied. I end up showing all my love and care to someone but still be hurt. There hasn't been a day where I didnt want to die. Wanting to die is selfish, but the pain is far greater than anyone could ever imagine. Whenever I reach out to someone, I end up being called an attention-seeking bitch. Maybe I was never meant to have happiness, maybe I deserve all of this, Maybe I should have only pain. I couldn't bear anything after the tears started to fall. I took a stone and threw it on the mirror, turning it into shards while making a shrill sound. The sound woke my boyfriend jungkook, who was sleeping upstairs, he came running down and opened the door. I didnt mind his presence.
" What happened y/n, are you fine?" He looked all over the room and at my tear-stained cheeks and my hands. I didnt reply, I just kept crying and grabbed a piece of the broken mirror, It was so sharp that I cut my hand after touching it. My right hand started bleeding and blood dripped down onto the white carpet.
" Y/n You're bleeding!" he screamed and took the piece and threw it down taking my right hand. I didnt say anything but when he pulled my sleeves up, he noticed the scars I had from hurting myself.
" Y/n What d-did you do baby?" His voice broke. I didnt reply again and grabbed another piece and slit my left hand.
" No! Y/n stop!" He threw that piece down and held onto my left arm while I kept bleeding. I couldn't feel any pain greater than the one inside me.
He wrapped my wounds up and cleaned the place properly.
" Y/n what happened?" He asked me.
" I want to kill myself." I said.
" Please dont say that" He begged me, I pushed him away and grabbed the blade and slit my wrist again.
" Noo! Y/n" He screamed while frantically digging for his phone in his pocket. He called 911 for help.
" I love you, Im sorry, find a good girl for yourself jungkook" I caressed his face one last time with my bloody hands and closed my eyes.
*Jungkook pov*
" No y/n, don't! Dont close your eyes." I begged her but she didnt respond, I kept crying into her arms hoping that the ambulance will arrive fast. I was mad at myself, I should've noticed, I should've been a good boyfriend, I should've taken good care of her, I blamed myself. My tears stopped falling soon and I became emotionless. The ambulance came and the paramedics rushed into the house and checked her heartbeat.
" Im sorry sir, she's dead" they said, making me fall weak on the floor.
" I'm sorry, I tried to bear the pain but I couldn't, its too much" ~anonymous.
