Luna

16

November 22, 1973

Thanksgiving day, a day that should be filled with love and family and thanks was turning into a day that she was dreading. She was due for a whole pack Thanksgiving feast and it was one week since her son died and her daughter was born. She wanted to breastfeed the little girl so badly but she didn't want to look at her at the same time because it was going to be a continual reminder of her son. Her son who she told  Lindsey to burn and the truth of the matter is she didn't want him to burn the baby. 

She was sitting in bed, her knees pulled up to her chest as she peered over to the clock on the nightstand. It was early Thanksgiving, 1:30 in the morning to be exact and her boobs were aching so badly and she just wanted her baby. She gnawed on her lip before she grabbed her bathrobe and a change of clothes. As she was passing the nursery she popped her head in and grabbed at the little tiny stuffed wolf that was sitting on the dresser, and she made her way over to Lindsey's room in the packhouse. 

As soon as she pressed into Lindsey's room, she saw him laying on his back his right arm thrown over his eyes and she heard the whimpers coming from the little cradle. She bent over the side of it and peered down at the little baby with a little dark mohawk and big brown eyes. Ella was a mini clone of Stevie and it made her heart flutter. She smiled at the little girl and danced the wolf stuffed animal across her chest before situating the toy in the far corner of the cradle and taking the baby into her arms. She was so tiny, she can briefly remember someone shouting 5 lbs 12 ounces and she does feel like that. But because she's so tiny, Stevie's worried that she's going to break her.  Ella whimpers and Stevie coos and shushes her as she bounces her way over to the chair in the corner of the room. 

She sits on the chair in Lindsey's room and she pulls her boob out of her nightgown and she just waits. It takes Ella a minute but then she latches onto the breast and she starts suckling and it's the best feeling in the world in Stevie's opinion and it melts her heart. 

"Hey Ella, it's me, mommy. Are you enjoying Momma's milk? I think you are." She nods bending slightly to kiss her little head. 

When the baby finishes eating she just stares up at Stevie with their matching brown eyes and Stevie just snuggles with her until the baby is asleep and then she places her in the little cradle. It would absolutely kill her to leave so she crawls in bed next to Lindsey and it feels like for the first time in one week she's at peace and she can sleep, but she doesn't she watches Ella. And one diaper change and two feeds later she fell asleep with her back pressed against the headboard and her baby on her chest. Ella's little arms bunched up between her breasts and her little knees pushing into Stevie's stomach almost in the fetal position. 

***

Lindsey wakes up, not to the baby crying but the phone ringing and he's confused at first but he doesn't think much about it so he just answers the phone. 

"Hello." 

"The Luna's gone." It's John McVie.

"What do you mean she's gone?" Lindsey questions.

"Christine has been going every day to check on her and she wasn't there today. She asked Barb and Jess and they haven't seen her and we're going to go look for her." John replies 

It was then that a hand shot out and started pushing at the phone in Lindsey's hand and Lindsey started to laugh. 

"She's with me, John. Don't send out the search parties." Lindsey tells him.

They exchange a few more words and then Lindsey hangs up and stares at Stevie whose eyes are closed. 

"Well, this is a surprising sight. You were adamant that you didn't want to see her." Lindsey tells her.

"Stop it. She's my baby and I love her. I was just...I was grieving and I know that's not an excuse...Lindsey, please tell me you didn't burn him. Because if I don't get to say a proper goodbye it's going to kill me." She looks at him hope in her eyes.

"No, I didn't burn him. I buried him with my dad. I can take you there today if you want." Lindsey tells her.

"I'd like that. Are...are we okay?" She asks Lindsey rubbing her hand up and down the baby's pink and white striped clad back. 

"I don't know Steph, are we alright?" Lindsey sighs. 

"I'm mad that you didn't tell me. Maybe I would've cherished those moments a little bit more. I don't know, but In a strange way, I know why you did it. And, Lily told me that she and Adams asked you not too." She sighs. 

"Alright, given the way you batted that phone out of my hand, I take it you're still tired?" Lindsey asks.

"Yeah. I got here at about one-thirty this morning and I fed her. I actually got to breastfeed her. And then I just watched her sleep until she needed a change or a feeding. I don't know how I knew what she needed but I did. I fell asleep with her only a couple of hours ago with her on my chest." Stevie explains.

"Alright, well you probably knew because of Mother's intuition. But why don't you put her in the cradle and get proper sleep?" Lindsey asks. 

"No, I want to hold her." She shakes her head. 

"Alright, well, give her to me." Lindsey sighs. Stevie's reluctant at first but she hands the baby over and Lindsey holds her with his left arm and opens his right for her. 

"Get comfy." He demands. 

She beams at him and then she nuzzles into the crook of his arm. When she nods at him, he moves the baby down so she's laying on his chest, but Stevie is close enough and has her at arm's length.

***

Stevie wakes up properly around eleven-thirty and Lindsey isn't next to her in bed, instead, the baby's head is pressed up against her stomach and Lindsey is changing her diaper. 

"Hi, sweetheart." Stevie coos running her hand along the baby's little tufts of brown hair. 

"There we go, all dry and happy hmmm." Lindsey coos. 

"As soon as I'm dressed can we go see him?" Stevie questions reaching out for Lindsey's hand. 

"Yeah, we can go see him." Lindsey nods taking it and lacing their fingers placing a small kiss to her knuckles.