𝕴 𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚 ~ Regulus black x reader

22

I've mentioned my hate for the news right? yeah well, it just doubled. this asshat 'Voldemort' or whatever the hell he's calling himself is actually doing something. and it's not the good kind of thing. now he's got followers too. and nowhere. is safe.

I sat at the dining room table awaiting Sirius, it was never specified but we kind of just met up every morning for breakfast now, it was nice. never too early though. merlin knows neither of us is up. as I waited anxiously I got more and more suspicious. I knew he was fine so I brushed it off and began eating, he wouldn't mind. I was peacefully cutting up my sausage when a dishevelled looking Sirius ran in holding the daily prophet on the verge of tears. His voice broke as he spoke

"Y/n, he joined them" the whole world froze I was stuck in my seat, I couldn't move if I tried. my eyes became glassy,

"h-he d-did what?!" I repeated myself but this time, it wasn't a longing sadness in my voice is was a burning anger

"he did. what." I clenched my fist gripping the knife in my hand. my knuckles turned white. Sirius ran over and gently removed the knife from my hand,

"Y/n, just calm down. it's okay, I'm right here" I slammed my fist down, 

"like hell, it's bloody okay Sirius! your fucking brother. a bloody killer. we knew it was bad but not this bad." I had angrily stood up and my chair had flown back. I was pacing across the room my heel hitting on the floor. he pulled me into a tight hug

"I know" I pushed him away, 

"no, you don't. he was my best friend. and I" was I really going to do this I spoke quieter this time "I still love him" he looked at me in shock

"Y/n no"  I nodded and backed up. I ran out of the room, all the way up to the very top floor and burst into my room. I couldn't decide whether to be angry or sad.

what about neither...

I was determined. I did it once I could do it again. no matter how long it's been. I walked to the bathroom and grabbed my razorblade. I hopped on the counter and removed my jacket. rolling u my sleeves I looked at my arms, scarred and ruined. I took a shaky breath. I lowered the blade and slashed. I was surprised when I didn't feel anything on my already numb arms. so I continued, slicing all the way up my arms but it wasn't enough. I pulled up my shirt to find only very old scars from years ago. I cut without thinking, I watched as the crimson red blood slid down the skin. I smiled weakly and noticed I had spilled blood all over my countertop. I was faint as the world began to black, everything was spinning. maybe I went too far. I slid off the counter and was unconscious before I could hit the floor. the sickening sound of my skull cracking against the floor echoed in the entire house. 

this was what I deserved for letting my walls down. you don't scream betray me and expect to be fine. 

~~~~~~~~~ a week later ~~~~~~~~

I was entirely numb as I laid in my bed unmoving on the verge of death, tear stains ran down my face. I didn't want to go anywhere, do anything. I felt betrayed but why? he didn't owe me anything. why couldn't I just let him go? there was a light knock on the door and Sirius walked in

"knock knock?"  I didn't move, 

"Y/n? h-how are you feeling" I wanted to reply but my throat would only let out a scratchy groan and a weak sob. my torso and arms were bandaged up and immensely sore. he sat on the bed and I could tell he was crying,

"I'm so sorry Y/n I should've known, should've been there. I failed you and James. some brother I am huh" he sniffed a little, I attempted to sit up and whimpered a little. I fell back into the bed and curled up in a ball around myself. Sirius lightly patted my head,

"Please Y/n/n get some rest, James will be coming by with lily tomorrow. you need to get some sleep" I groaned a little and the bed creaked as he stood again and walked out of the room, flipping off the light switch. 

~~~~~~ Regulus's pov~~~~~~

I was lonely, so bloody lonely. and I missed Y/n, the way her eyes lit up the room whenever she had an idea or the way she was so loyally dedicated. I missed her eyes her presence, her hair, her lips, her touch, her kiss. but I was an awful person, a deatheater, a killer. she would never love me again. now look at me, roped into this to uphold my family. mother was dead. no one knows, not even Sirius. her last wish was for this. for me to become a deatheater and join lord Voldemort, but this wasn't me. no matter how much I acted like it, I wasn't some ruthless killer. I couldn't do it alone at least. but here I was. parentless, friendless, without my love, without my brother. what was I to do!?

~~~~~~~~~

sorry that chapter was quite short <333